What to Text a Girl for the First Time: 8 Key Points

Steve Jabba

By Steve Jabba. Find out more about Steve Jabba here

texting a girl for the first time

Hey guys, Steve Jabba here. I know that sending the first text to a girl can be nerve-wracking. But worry not, because I’ve got you covered with these 8 key points about what to text a girl for the first time.

🤔1. The Right Mindset Matters: Read This Before You Text A Girl For The First Time.

Let me share a crucial aspect of sending that first text – having the right mindset.

(It’s even more critical if she’s hot and you really like the look of her)

So here’s what you need to remember:

She actually gave you her number!

Girls very rarely do this if they are not interested in you.

So don’t forget this when you send the first text to her.

This mindset also helps to create a comfortable, engaging atmosphere for both of you.

📩2. Use a Creative Opening message.

Ditch those generic “hey” or “what’s up” messages and opt for something more creative. Craft an engaging icebreaker that showcases your wit and humour, making her eager to respond.

One of my favourite techniques to stand out is callback humour. If you get it right, this technique can totally transform how you talk to girls over text.

Callback humour involves referencing a shared experience or inside joke from your first meeting.

Why is this important?

It shows that you were paying attention during your first chat, and that you value the connection you made. Plus, it instantly creates a sense of familiarity, so she feels more comfortable and open to engaging with you.

So check this out. Imagine you chatted with her about what she thinks of English men (or American, or whatever).

This is pretty likely, especially if you like travelling to foreign countries to hunt hot girls.

So, you might say “I know you think us English men are reserved and a little boring…But I gotta say, I think we should do something a little different for our first date. Fancy a trip to the zoo on …”

This immediately sets the tone that you’re going to go out on a date, as well as showing that you’re fun and spontaneous using a little callback humour too.

See how much better this is than just sending some boring generic guff that she’s heard a million times already?

🔗3 Establish a Connection

When you first start texting, focus on creating a connection with her. Draw from your initial encounter.

Did you share a laugh or discover common interests? When you mention something from your meeting shows that you’ve been paying attention and creates a foundation for rapport-building.

Building rapport is an essential skill to develop if you want to create meaningful connections and progress the relationship beyond just casual texting.

So how do you do this?

You have to actively listen to her and ask thoughtful questions based on what she shares with you.

Here’s how:

Share personal stories (or anecdotes):

Open up a bit with stories from your own life. Girls love this kind of stuff, it’s called “chick crack”. If you can get her to share a few secrets in return…Now you’re really getting to know her.
lose connection between man and woman
Show empathy: If she shares something personal or emotional with you, acknowledge her feelings and show your support. This demonstrates that you’re not only listening but you also genuinely care about her well-being.

Find commonalities: Discovering shared interests and values is a powerful way to connect. If you both love hiking, for example, you could suggest planning a hike together in the future.

You can riff off this and send pictures for the “great hike” and so on, to build anticipation.

Be genuinely curious: Ask open-ended questions about her life, interests, and opinions. This shows that you’re truly interested in getting to know her and encourages her to share more about herself.

⁉4 Ask Open-Ended Questions: A Gateway to Engaging Conversations

When you ask these kinds of questions, you should start bonding with her (even over text).

It’s insanely powerful.

Now, let me give you three examples of open-ended questions that can spark engaging conversations. The key is to make the open-ended questions easy to answer without much thought…A lot of girls are not big on thinking deeply.

“What’s your favourite way to unwind after a long day?” – This question allows her to share her interests and hobbies without having to think too deeply. It also helps build rapport as you can find common ground or learn more about her preferences.

“If you could travel anywhere right now, where would you go?” – This question sparks her imagination and lets her share her travel dreams. It’s light-hearted and fun, making it easy for her to respond while also providing you with insights into her interests and desires.

“What’s a must-try dish from your favourite cuisine?” This question helps you learn about her taste in food and can lead to discussions about her favourite restaurants, cooking experiences, or cultural backgrounds.

It’s a simple question that encourages her to share her preferences and opens up the conversation for further connection.

(On the food question, I also love to eat healthily, especially as an older dude. So it helps to me find girls who I can work with to stay slim and healthy).

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😮5 Keep It Interesting: Memes and Funny Pictures

I love this so I want you to know about it too..You HAVE to start using daft memes and funny pictures to spice up your texting game.

When you use humour through visuals it keeps things light and fun.

Sharing memes or funny images can also help you relate to each other on a different level.

It’s a way to bond over shared humour and create inside jokes that only the two of you understand. Trust me, guys, this approach will make your texting experience more enjoyable and memorable for both of you.

♥6 Flirting with a Twist: Combining Humor and Sexual Innuendo

flirting over text
Now, I’m a firm believer that humour and sexual innuendo can be a winning combination when flirting over text.

Here’s a pro tip: use playful banter and wordplay to create a flirty atmosphere.

Remember David De Angelo and cocky funny? Well, I call this “sexy funny”. You can even combine humour, sexuality and cold reads.

Here’s a quick personal example: I once bonked a girl I met in the food line at work. She was staring at the sausages with a hungry look on her face, so I said loudly and boldly:


“What”? she said.

I looked at her with intense eye contact, making it clear I was talking about her and said:

“Those sausages look…TASTY”

You could do this over text too. Stay on the lookout for ways to creatively misinterpret what she says and re-interpret it in a sexy and funny way.

In terms of timing: aim to send your first text within 24 hours of meeting her, while the memory of your encounter is still fresh.

Be mindful of when to follow up or give her space, and always avoid double-texting or coming across as needy.

🐱7 Keep Your Messages Concise and Purposeful

When texting, it’s important to strike a balance between engaging her and avoiding excessive messages.

Also, remember the purpose of your texts with her is simply to get her out on a date. I recommend trying to get to ask her on a date within 4 messages. When you bear this in mind, it helps to keep you on track and avoid becoming her new gay best friend.

So here are the most common mistakes I’ve seen guys make, so you can avoid them yourselves:

Excessive texting: One massive error guys often make is bombarding a girl with a non-stop flow of texts. I can’t stress enough how this can come across as needy or even desperate. Instead, focus on making each message count. Keep them meaningful and engaging, and give her space to respond at her own pace.

Failing to create attraction: Guys, it’s crucial to build that spark and attraction when you’re texting a girl.

You definitely do NOT want to come across like her gay best friend. That’s just sad!

So keep your conversation enjoyable, flirty, and engaging. Remember, mixing humour with a touch of sexual innuendo is key to keeping her on her toes.

Overanalyzing her responses: Look, I know how easy it is to get caught up in dissecting every single word and emoji in her texts. But doing this can lead to unnecessary stress and insecurity. Instead, focus on maintaining a fun and relaxed vibe in your conversation.

And if you’re not sure about where she’s coming from? Just ask directly as a man should!

Ignoring the importance of timing: Timing is everything in texting, guys. Don’t wait too long to text her after getting her number, but also, don’t jump the gun and message her immediately. Find that sweet spot that shows you’re interested without coming across as overly eager.

⏲8 Timing Is Crucial

You have to get your timing right when you’re texting a girl for the first time.

Generally, if you don’t text within the first 24 hours, she might imagine you’re not interested..

Or even forget about YOU!

But if you text her right away, you might come across as desperate or needy.

So here’s how to figure out the sweet spot for yourself (but do bear in mind that you should text within the first 24 hours)

Reflect on your interaction: Take a moment to think back on your initial meeting.

If you felt a strong spark initially, fire that text off ASAP!

But if the vibe was more casual, give it some time before reaching out—just don’t wait too long.

Gauge her interest level: If she showed clear signs of interest during your conversation, like laughing at your jokes or maintaining eye contact, it’s a solid indication that she’s looking forward to hearing from you. In this case, I’d recommend texting her within a few hours or the following day.

Think about her schedule: If you happen to know she’s got a busy day ahead, it’s better to wait until the evening or the next day to text her. Don’t send a text into the ether when she won’t see it.

Trust your instincts: Sometimes just go with what your intuition tells you.

If it feels like the right moment to text her, go for it. Just make sure you’re not doing it out of impatience or anxiety.

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