A listener of the podcast asks :

“You mention getting older has its benefits. Would you agree being self actualized is enough for some older men and modern western female companionship is a drag on all their resources?”

In a word : NO.

Let’s look at the definition of self actualized first of all, so we’re all talking on the same page:

It appears the term originates from Maslows Hierarchy Of Needs. If you’re not familiar then you really should check it out, it’s basic psychological understanding that every guy should know about.

maslows hierarchy of needs

So a self actualized man is a man who has acheived all he possibly can by using all of their abilities to their full potential.

The key point to note is that typically a person has to take care of the lower levels first before they can work on self actualisation. It’s hard to become actualised if you don’t have a roof over your head after all. Nigh on impossible, I would say!

Why being self actualized is not enough.

First of all, let me flip this question on it’s head. I just Googled self actualisation and the top article is “9 characteristics of very self actualised people”. As a thought experiment, I am going to read the list out to you and ask you to think what pops into your mind as I am reading it out. It should be very obvious if you’re sharp and paying attention.

Self-Actualized People Have Peak Experiences

They Possess Self-Acceptance and a Democratic World View

They Are Realistic

They Tend to Be Problem-Centered

The Self-Actualized Person Is Autonomous

They Enjoy Solitude and Privacy

They Have a Philosophical Sense of Humor

Self-Actualized People Are Spontaneous

They Fully Enjoy the Journey, Not Just the Destination

Characteristics of self actualised people

So did you notice anything as I read through the list? It struck me that it;s all very self centered. Very much about the individual.

As awesome as this very self actualised person sounds, I have to ask:

What about other people? What about a partner? What about getting on with other people , loving, having relationships with others?

I know what you’re thinking! BUT STEVE!  You’re supposed to be a Sigma Male, right? Isn’t a Sigma all about being outside of the hierarchy by choice?

Well, that is one of the primary characteristics of a Sigma, the other is very attractive to women. But two points:

1: Outside of the hierarchy denotes choosing your own social circle, not letting people or entities having power over you, not being forced into situations you don’t want to be in. It doesn’t mean wandering around on your own all the time navel gazing!

This is very, very unhealthy for your mental health.

2: I’ve made several videos repeating it, but no man is designed to be alone. I hate to talk about myself but I’ve lived in about 15 countries, travelled to about a hundred and barring 9 months in the UK recently, I’ve lived abroad for about 10 years now.

I’ve slept with several hundred women and been in love 2 times in my life.

At some point you get tired of the wandering, the nomad life. At some point you yearn for meaning and love again.

So now we answer the question fully:

It’s NOT enough just to be self actualised. I’m 43 now and despite long periods where I DIDN’T fulfil Maslows most basic needs, I was pretty actualised to a large extent in the sense that my personal character, charisma, seductive ability and self esteem was very evolved. It’s great because you can attract high quality women with nothing but the shirt on your back…Consistently (if you make the effort to approach).

But age 43 now I can tell you that you eventually run out of desire. I personally ran out of desire to just fuck different women years ago and have been coasting to a degree for a good few years. It was still sufficient to have astronomical results by most guys standards, and I have always had high standards in terms of female looks…But the FIRE to keep bonking new women is pretty much spluttering out now.

And I know why…It’s because self actualisation can only take you so far. If you have more than a few brain cells to rub together, you eventually need to find meaning, happiness and joy in life through other people, in my view.

I think of it as a journey, a continuum.

In your younger years, maybe 18-40, it’s all purely about the shagging. You might have some meaningful relationships on the way, but mostly it’s about getting your dick wet.

Now I’ve given the range 18-40 but that’s purely anecdotal. It varies wildly, I think depending on your SMV and the actual reality of whether you can still attract young attractive women as a 40 year old men. A lot of guys cannot, largely because they let themselves go and are mentally too far down the wrong road. I still think it can be turned around, but it takes a lot of discipline and effort.

But from 40 onwards a seasoned guy will start to look for something a lot more meaningful. The old ways just don’t satisfy anymore. A pussy is pretty much a pussy. You can appreciate a young girls beauty, but you don’t get the visceral gut level shift in your body where you just think MUST FUCK as often or as strongly as you used to.

You start to think more about clicking, companionship. The pre requistites of good looks still need to be there, but you care a whole lot more about her personality too. Infact, I’ve turned down high probability sexual encounters on occasion because frankly I’d rather get a good nights sleep and I didn’t think it would go anywhere.

The overall point is, as actualised and as Sigma as you may well be, at some point you will yearn to rejoin society and follow a more traditional route. I believe it’s profoundly unnatural and selfish (to a degree) to think purely about yourself as you hit 40 or so. I think at that age it’s more appropriate to seek happiness not just by satisfying your lusts or making yourself happy, but by the happiness , meaning, companionship and value you can provide to others.

Is It Worth Bothering With Western Women?

Onto the subject of Western Women. Put all this together and you should realise that at 40, or mid 40s or even older, a man is at a very high level in terms of persuasion power , gravitas and wisdom. Therefore he should be able to lead the woman and mould her , even teach her, by making her look up to him.

Western women are no different – they are still women at the end of the day, and there are plenty that are seeking out a man like this that will show her the way. There might be a bit of bluff and bluster to begin , but once you peel back that outer layer, there are still plenty of pussycats underneath who are looking for an actualied man who is ready to devote the fruits of his acquired wisdom to a woman with the right qualities and potential – even if she’s initially a little resistant.

That’s where I am headed now. Defining my life, meaning and happiness through what I can give to others. For a solipsistic Sigma guy like me, that’s quite a realisation and a shift, so I don’t imagine it’s such a big deal for many of you.