Should You Wait For Sex From A Girl? Rules Approach
Should you wait for a girl before you sleep with her? If a girl is making you wait months on end before she will sleep with you, is this something you should go along with?
My answer is no, you should not. I believe you should establish rules for yourself and your relations with women, and how long you are prepared to wait is one of these rules. In my case, I operate within the 2-3 date window before I would expect to sleep with a girl. There is some minor flexibility to this rule, but that’s the standard window I operate within, and have for years. This applies equally, regardless of what country I happen to be in.
The rules based approach for dating
This is the real meat of the question that arises from considering how long you should wait for a girl. How long you should wait is one aspect of the dating process that you will always have to navigate. There are many others – how many texts before you get her on a date? How many approaches you should do in a session? And so on – there are lots. I have developped a rules based approach to handling all of them.
I have created these rules based on 27 years of navigating the complex world of dating and relationships and they are designed to allow me to preserve my sanity, my dignity, and develop a sustainabile way of meeting women given my prevailing life situation. This is : a nomadic life, not having a social circle, not having a wingman, doing it all totally alone in a foreign country with no support, usually no friends around me, and without any group activities in which to meet women.
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In practical terms, I usually only ever meet women when I cold approach in either the daytime, evening or in a nightclub or on the street. In my opinion, this is the most brutal, difficult and hardest way to meet and pick up the top tier women there is.
If you look around at the dating scene generally and perhaps some other people you listen to or read, you will find that only a tiny fraction do it in this way, largely because it is so difficult. Even the well known daygamers usually have wingmen who they hang out with. I’ve been doing it alone like this for about 9 years now, previously I lived in the UK but even then I still had no real social circle as I was an IT contractor who moved around. It’s been nearly 20 years since I have had any semblance of a social circle.
So I was forced to develop rules to navigate dating to avoid the meltdowns and mental distress that so many other people seem to think is a feature of dating. I disagree (a large part of my new product is on the how of this.) But, the end result of all the work I do is some practical rules of thumb which govern how you manage the various stages of the dating process.
For reference I have rules about:
- How many approaches per session
- The ratio of IOI / non IOI based approaches
- How many messages before I get her out on a date
- How long I am prepared to wait for sex
And so on. There are probably more but those 4 immediately spring to mind. All of them are underpinned by long years of experience, spotting patterns, pitfalls, places where you are liable to get stuck in the undergrowth, making a fool of yourself, acting like a chump, etc.
All of the rules are designed to preserve your dignity, self esteem and manhood above all else – including, on occasion, possible lays.
As I have got older and less tolerant of any kind of drama, nonsense or bullshit from women, the rules have got STRICTER , not more lax. In reality I am making it more difficult for myself, not easier.
There are good reasons why the rules have got stricter which I will go into later. For now understand that the rules are there for a purpose, but they are not all fit, and not suitable for everyone, nor every life situation. You have to understand the concept and agree with it, but apply it intelligently to your own situation.
The kind of factors you need to consider:
What is your SMV relative to those around you? Things like how good your game is (hard to quanitfy I know), your looks, your level of confidence (in reality a subset of your game), your height, body shape, level of experience with women, all of these things.
Above all, how far down the road are you? By this I mean how many girls have you slept with ? Do you still feel the need to bonk more women consistently, or are you looking for something more now? What are you actually looking for?
I mention these 4 key questions you should ask of yourself because they are the starting point for the direction you should take. In my case, I didn’t really need to bonk more girls about 8 years ago, and so my motivation for any kind of nonsense or drama started to tail off, to the point where it is now in the negative zone, somewhere south of the south pole – perhaps 300 miles down into the earths core.
I joke about it but this governs my rules nowadays. I am shortly going to change my life situation – where I live, how long I stay there, and what I am looking for (a more stable, monogomous relationship), because the wandering nomadic lifestyle is no longer interests or fulfils me).
Alongside this, I’ve made the rules stricter because my SMV has not really declined either. Still keeping in shape and actually getting better and physically don’t look much different, work is going well, no lack of confidence etc.
How the rules based approach applies to you
So these are the sorts of questions you need to ask yourslelf. This is why I impress on you constantly the need to be brutally honest with yourself and others. Unless you can take an honest look at yourself, your place in the socio sexual hierarchy, your SMV, how many girls you;ve been with AND HOW MUCH EFFORT IT TOOK, – all of these factors, you’ll never know what to do next.
To put it another way, I gaurantee if I didn’t add this section there would be a lot of “but what about ME” questions, asking me to tell you what rules you should have for yourself.
It’s on you to decide this. But understand the rules based based approach and it’s purpose:
From a higher perspective you are trying to impose order on chaos (i.e. dealing with women)
And the subsidiary reasons (to reiterate): to preserve your dignity, self esteem and manhood
Only you can figure out your own circumstances. You should be considering all the factors I have mentioned here when you develop your own boundaries and rules for the key stages of dating.
Should You Wait For Sex ? Final Key Concept
It’s worth mentioning here a key concept that I’ve talked about multiple times, but it’s germane to this specific question and signposts how you can tactically deal with waiting for a girl.
Understand that girls say one thing and do another, and live mostly in the present. They react based on their emotions and are swayed by being turned on. If a girl is making you wait and protesting over text that she is not that kind of girl, the best tactical thing you can do is to get her on a date, get her turned on and then get her into bed anyway. Just be prepared for a lot of post rationalisations afterward.
I have less and less patience for this kind of thing nowadays. It’s an element of playing the game that I am less interested in – but again, consider your own situation. If you have not slept with many girls, or are younger than me, or are still prepared to put in more than a modicum of effort , or are not confident that you can still pull very hot, top tier women without playing any kind of games whatsoever, then you may use this tactic.
To illutrate how you must tailor the rules, it’s not suitable for me at this stage to play these games much but I know for a cast iron fact that I can still get top tier women with little fuss and little game playing. Some might fall by the wayside, but since I no longer care about increasing my notch count, impressing other men or proving anything to myself, I don’t care about this. To repeat for the final time, consider the macro, not the micro, and apply the rules intelligently to your own life situation to figure out the answers for yourself.
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