Shit tests are one of the most misunderstood aspects of dating and social dynamics, and a potential powder keg!
They are often misunderstood by men, and poorly explained in the dating literature.
It’s not uncommon to see long threads or posts aiming to come up with a clever response to each shit test and “pass” them by out manouvering the girl or lowering her self esteeem, etc.
This is the wrong approach and will not work!
Here’s why : we have to understand the different kinds of shit tests, and why they occur before we can navigate them successfully.
Read on and I will explain.
The video below shows me handling shit tests, barrelling through and creating sexual tension with a hot Colombian girl I just met on the streets of London
The 2 Main Types Of Shit Test
1. Congruence tests
She is testing you to see if you are who you appear to be. This can be further subdivided into girls who are legitimately attracted and want to throw a spanner in the works to see how you handle it, or those that are on the fence, and try to test you by exerting feminine power over you because they sense on some level they can get away with it.
You still have a chance with these girls if handled properly.
2. Testing your love
Testing you to see if you love and cherish her. These tend to happen after intimacy, and throughout the life-cycle of a relationship. These can also be handled but actually dry up if you show your love and genuinely do cherish her. I won’t expand on this second type any further: there is a whole book on this subject alone. (I would recommend David Deida’s Way of the Superior Man for more on this).
With all these kind of shit tests, you have to think of one of my primary cornerstone characteristics (as defined in My book Primal Seduction : Desire and loving women.) Take this as your starting point.
Why Typical Advice On Shit Testing Is Wrong
Avoid this kind of advice like the plague
If you read up on handling shit tests the advice usually consists of clever responses that are designed to lower her value, her self-esteem, or make her feel like shit.
It’s a verbal way of showing you’re not to be messed with and that you can handle yourself. There is actually nothing wrong with this, but it’s flawed because:
1: You’ll fail to evaluate what emotional driver in her is triggering the tests, and thus assume the worst.
2: You will encourage misogyny (“I’ll get those bitches”) and therefore handle the test really, really badly and make it worse.
Flaws in your own behaviour are what draw the shit tests to you. If you’re acting out with some kind of postured high value, girls sense the incongruence. When you pickup girls based on authenticity, there is no incongruence so girls tend not to test you. Start from that position.
If you do still get shit tests, you need to then consider where you’re coming from and the context of the interaction with the girl in question.
Typical Shit Tests:
When she’s attracted to you the tests will be of this type:
“Are you just trying to fuck me” ·
“I bet you say this to lots of girls” (Though this can also mean you sound rehearsed) ·
“I know what you’re doing, trying to pick me up” ·
“Are you a player?” ·
“I don’t know you, I can’t give you my number” ·
“How many girls have you been with?”
Now the point here is to address the underlying motivation for the shit test rather than take it at face value. The mistake a lot of men make is they evaluate the content of the words, not the meaning and context in which they were uttered.
Social intelligence will guide you through. This aspect of “game” falls squarely under the umbrella of calibration and field experience. In the same way that an experienced guy can often spot “types” of girl that will respond more favourably to him (on average), you can develop a sense for where the girl is coming from and therefore know how to react when she does throw in tests like this by dealing with the root cause, rather than treating the symptoms.
If all is going well, you’ve crossed the line and are developing sexual tension, then these kind of shit tests are her way of saying “this is moving forward….I like you but I am not sure about you.”
In order to handle it, give her what she wants. Make her feel cherished, wanted – in that moment – and these kind of tests disappear.
How do you do that? Well, feel it yourself. Get lost in the moment. Get into the love bubble. Appreciate her beauty, her femininity. Get closer to her (physical proximity is a great way of sharing intimacy) and say something like: “Yeah of course I want to fuck you. Who wouldn’t. You’re lovely.” “I have been a player, sure. If I’m in a relationship, I’m good though.”
In other words, make her feel comforted in your actions, your words, and your intent (by losing yourself in the moment, you mean what you say, you feel the truth of it and you display it with your body and your eyes.)
This is all covered in great detail in my book Primal Seduction and video series Secret Society. Check out the screenshot below from the book. It’s not an easy skill but once you master it, you won’t have much trouble meeting attractive women ever again!
The power of moments.
You can express desire and love for her in that instant – come from that place – and melt away the worry (which is manifested as a shit test).
A very romantic moment, yesterday
Look at what she is doing not what she is saying. The content of what she is saying is almost irrelevant in the examples above.
What is the nature of the interaction? Has it been good so far? Is it moving forwards?
Fundamentally – have you crossed that Rubicon between a man and a woman having a boring conversation and you are now relating on a sexual level? Are you flirting? These types of tests mean you are moving towards seduction. They are a good thing.
She’s on the fence and is teasing you to see what she can get away with.
These kind of tests are thrown up because she could go either way with you. It’s not full attraction yet. Also (unfortunately for guys who are not too far down the road), these tend to be the kind of tests that less experienced guys get.
Tests like: · “I’m not giving out my number to you”
“You’re short” ·
“I don’t date x y z” kind of guys”
These are tougher to deal with but there are some basic principles that you need to be aware of first:
Don’t get aggressive or emotional about it.
Even if she is saying these things, she’s not being unreasonable. She’s giving you a chance to handle them.
Don’t get caught up in a verbal arms race, trying to “out banter” her in the hope that this will spark attraction.
It doesn’t really move things forward onto the sexual / flirting plane. The way to handle this is to mentally shrug your shoulders and cut the thread after only slightly engaging with the test.
Do it with some good humour and “chutzpah”
Almost as if it had no importance and is a little retarded.
Her: You’re too short
Me: Ah but you haven’t seen my fat cock! Her: I don’t date Asian men Me: Ah but you haven’t seen my fat cock!
If she continues and sticks on the thread with more tests, just repeat it in a slightly different way
Her: But I don’t date Asian men…really
Me: I get it, they haven’t usually got a fat cock like me. C’mon drop it, this is getting boring.
So anyway (continue with something else).
What matters is where you are coming from. Remember: You don’t need her good reaction (you are internally referenced). Although you’re attracted, there are standards and boundaries which you hold yourself to and you won’t change them for any woman. This is really important for your core self-esteem and sense of worth.
Do you really have time or inclination to get involved in a verbal arms race with her? It’s boring! You’re trying to get to know her, so you need to get her to drop the shit and get on with talking to you. Be prepared to walk, if she crosses the line (more of this in a moment).
Don’t try and logically answer the shit test, point by point.
Do you see how this tactic handles the shit test (by not addressing it!) Trying to think of an amazing on-point reply is all very well, but it does show you’re over investing. It’s too much effort. It shows you’re being framed and positioned by the girl instead of taking charge and handling the situation.
By moving things in the direction you want, it shows control, masculine dominance, and that you are no pushover – in a much easier and more effective way.
Think about it this way: if a guy is needling you – is it better to just think “I cannot be arsed with this” and cut the thread, and move into a more productive conversation? Or to roll around in the mud and answer it? Handling these kind of shit tests is no different.
Look at what women are doing, not what they are saying
Men and women are very different. Men usually say what they mean and mean what they say. You can work out a guy’s position based on the content of what he is saying. (Yes, I know this is an enormous generalisation but it’s been borne out over the years in my experience and from what I have observed over the last twenty years. Of course, there are exceptions – but this is a useful starting point and way of thinking. Trust me on this!)
Women are very different. When they say or do something, it is often due to something completely unrelated to the topic at hand, and they don’t actually mean what they are saying. The content of what they are saying is a strategy designed to accomplish a particular aim – very often in keeping with the “commandments” listed below.
Because of this their behaviour can be deeply puzzling and frustrating, unless you know what the hell is going on and where they are coming from.
The Five Commandments Of Puzzling Female Behaviour
So, here are five commandments that women are generally following, that you need to be aware of, to help you negotiate this female minefield. Bear these in mind whenever you are trying to get it on with a women. Assume that these are their primary motivational factors and you won’t go far wrong: ·
They want to avoid looking like a slut to you, and to themselves.
Because of this, they will often try to completely abdicate themselves from responsibility for the seduction taking place. · They want to weed out weirdos, low-value guys, and pussies. Hence the shit tests, the blank looks, not noticing your presence and so on. (If you don’t have a certain level of value, it is sometimes like the woman literally cannot see you). ·
To get your attention, and or confirm to themselves that you like them (this is usually in the form of a shit test).
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To get something they want – sex, money, approval. Always remember these factors on a moment-by-moment basis.
Practically everything a woman does which might seem odd or inexplicable, as you proceed along the seduction path, springs from one or more of these underlying drivers.
So, what is your strategy to deal with this in the best way? How can you be successful and sleep with women – whilst being honest and upfront, no trickery, and respectful. So that you don’t have to sacrifice your sense of self? ·
Remember the commandments above.
Don’t react emotionally to what they are doing with the distinction I made earlier: Don’t react emotionally if it is because she is hurting your ego or your pride and making you feel insecure. If you do, the little crying boy comes out to play and this is a big no-no.
Watch what they are doing, not what they are saying.
Dominate and lead
Escalate. The crux of it is this: women will do all sorts of naughty things, act filthy, sleep with guys because they follow what their emotions tell them in that moment. This is why they often end up with totally unsuitable guys, hook up with bad boys who may treat them badly, and all sorts of other self-defeating behaviours.
I must point out here that I do not advocate coming from a position of exploiting this phenomena. I’m saying you need to be aware of it, so that you don’t pussy out when you don’t need to, so that you can move things along and sleep with her, whilst still being honest, upfront and retaining your integrity. After a woman has engaged in such self-defeating behaviour, she may retrospectively twist what was done so that it fits in with her self-image.
As the seduction process is progressing, she may employ strategies in line with the commandments on a moment-by-moment basis. It’s your job to recognise this, and distinguish the serious objections from the trivial ones to lead her to where she wants to go (but where she will not verbalise).
An actual term has been created in the manosphere to describe this phenomena, the “rationalisation hamster”. Here is a good definition:
The Rationalization Hamster
“The rationalization hamster is an analogy for the thought processes used by women to turn bad behavior and bad decisions into acceptable ones to herself and her friends. When a woman makes a bad decision, the hamster spins in its wheel (the woman’s thinking) and creates some type of acceptable reasons for that bad decision. The crazier the decision, the faster the hamster must spin in order to successfully rationalize away the insanity. When the hamster rationalizes successfully, a woman can divorce [yeah, I meant to use that verb] herself from the consequences of her bad decision or behavior.”
Here are some examples:
Bad Decision: “I’m going out and getting drunk with my friends.” Resulting Consequences: Drunken and unsatisfactory hookup sex with a stranger. Hamster Processing Result: “I was drunk and he took advantage of me or maybe even raped me! Maybe it was a date rape drug!” Final Result: “It’s not my fault.”
Bad Decision: “I deserve only the most attractive and successful man despite the fact that I don’t have much to offer in the context of dating and relationships.” Resulting Consequences: Can’t find any man for dating or a relationship or only has one-night stands. Hamster Processing Result: “There are no good men” or “Men suck” Final Result: “It’s not my fault.”
Bad Decision: “I have such chemistry [vagina tingles!] with this guy so I’ll ignore the obvious red flags regarding his character.” Resulting Consequences: The sex is great for a short time and then the guy dumps her. Hamster Processing Result: “All men are players” Final Result: “It’s not my fault.”
Bad Decision: “I want to have a baby but I don’t have a man.” Resulting Consequences: 8lb bundle of “joy” through dubious means and resultant loss of career opportunities because of time management issues. Hamster Processing Result: “I’m a strong and empowered woman fulfilling her own needs but who has an employer who doesn’t support my lifestyle decision.” Final Result: “It’s not my fault.”
Note how the final result is always the same.
This is a long article which pulls together many strands which you need to internalise and apply in real time. Not easy!
This is why picking up women is such a complex subject, and shit tests are one of the most hard to understand aspects of the puzzle.
The key takeaway you need to know is : do NOT get engaged in an arms race, trying to think of clever responses for every shit test. It won’t work.
When you’re confronted with a real live girl, you will probably forget possible responses, and in any case it’s not possible to be sincere when you’re delivering the response anyway if it doesn’t come from your core.
Instead, internalise the why of shit tests – why women engage in this behaviour in the first place.
Learn to change their emotional state in real time with an appropriate response based on the reason for the shit test – then you will pass them with ease every time.
For a full understanding of shit tests and female behaviour, check out my book Primal Seduction.