I’ve been getting quite a few comments recently about all the various models and techniques that you can use when you pick up women, so I thought I’d address it here and point out that by and large, your technique, or the “model” that you use to pick up women isn’t what is actually getting you laid.
To be more specific, there isn’t a “method” or “model” in the world that is going to dramatically skyrocket your results or change the laws of nature, dating and attraction. There is no “magic pill”.
So in this podcast I will go through what you ACTUALLY need to get success with women and point out some of the common roadblocks and traps that can get in your way.
Firstly though, an announcement. Everything I touch upon in this podcast has been dealt with in minute, step by step detail in my book Primal Seduction (which deals with the mindset and powerful naturally attractive masculine qualities a man needs to get hot girls on autopilot), and my “how to actually pick up girls in the real world” video product “The Secret Society”.
As you’ll see in this podcast, I don’t have a lot of interest in any particular “model”, because that is not what gets you laid. My products are based on decades of personal real world experience, plus years of training guys on how to replicate my results for themselves with practical, step by step instruction.
If you actually want to make a tangible difference in your dating life, you need to get out there in the real world and just start by doing SOMETHING. I’ve said before that for various reasons Tinder and online dating and getting worse and worse no matter where you live. If you want to get women of decent – great quality, approaching IN THE REAL WORLD is about the only way that reliably works nowadays. So check out Primal Seduction and Secret Society after you’ve listened to this podcast and make a start today. The girls are not going to come knocking on your door while you sit back and do nothing (unfortunately – I wish it did work that way).
So – why your model and techniques will not get you laid.
What gets you laid is displaying attractive masculine qualities when you approach a girl, believing in yourself (high self esteem) and escalating effectivey. It’s not your model or method.
I think where guys get confused is that in a lot of cases, they adpot a model or method which gives them the confidence to approach a girl and say SOMETHING, and it is the act of approaching and taking action that initially gets them the results – not the actual method. Because of this, they place stock in the initial clutch of postive results and attribute it to the “model”, whereas it’s the act of approaching, flapping their gums and giving themselves a shot with girls that should actually be given the credit.
Put another way, every guy has a personality and a base level of attractiveness that SOME girls will go for when he starts. Just by approaching women with a basic framework in mind, a guy can increase his results from 0 to a reasonable level just by approaching with no knowledge other than a basic framework. The key is taking ACTION.
So let’s talk about how to start:
There’s a ton of free information out there on Youtube and on numerous websites. Anyone can pick up a few openers and a basic framework and start approaching.
I’m sure you guys listening are fully aware of them. That is all you need to make a start, and is the single most important thing you can do RIGHT AWAY to start getting success. This Game is played out in the real world, not in the realm of learning to show excellent practical skill of executing a “model or method”.
To reiterate : Where a model or framework is helpful is that it gives a guy a little push and a comfort blanket to fall back on to get over the fear of doing something totally new and scary (approaching women).
I’m not saying knowledge of a model and the psychological comfort it provides is not extremely useful and helpful – it clearly is! It gets a guy approaching who would never have approached before, and starts the ball rolling on the journey to finding out what ACTUALLY WORKS in the real world to attract women. But don’t get stuck on this phase of perfecting the model or your technique or attributing any new found success to “the model” If you do, you’re focusing on the minutiae when you’re missing the elephant in the room.
Let’s get practical. There are a number of predictable things that you will get stuck on when you start approaching women. Here’s a couple, and here’s what to do to get over them:
1: Approach Anxiety.
The no1 thing you’ll get stuck with. Some basic preparation such as a few openers and a mini routine to deal with the first 30 seconds is the best way to deal with this.
Action : I’ve done a lengthy video on getting over approach anxiety , it is on this channel. Watch it.
If not, just start with:
1: Approach a girl and ask her where the nearest coffe shop is. Eject. Repeat 7*
2: Approach a girl and give her a compliment. Eject. Repeat 7*
3: Approach a girl and give her a compliment. Say “I like how you look, can I take your phone number”. If she gives it you, great – take it. If not say, OK never mind, then eject.
Simple. All you need. Just fucking START DOING SOMETHING other than watching Youtube videos, saying “oh that’s nice” and then doing nothing about it. Girls are not going to come knocking on your door, no matter how much of a Sigma Male you think you are. With the exception of rock stars and movie stars, girls are not going to throw themselves at you – life does not work that way.
Also, bear in mind no matter how much money you have or how good looking and famous you are, a weak or unattractive mindset and “bad game” will find you out in the end. Look at some F1 drivers or famous sportsmen and the women they end up with. Look at rich guys and the quality of the woman they end up with. An unattractive set of beliefs is an absolute PUSSY REPELLANT, whereas what I talk about will DRAW WOMEN to you if you just approach and DO SOMETHING. But sitting there watching my videos then doing nothing will get you nowhere.
Finally, on the subject of AA :
Bear in mind : THERE IS NO OTHER WAY OF MANAGING AA OTHER THAN APPROACHING WOMEN. NONE. You have to simply do it.
Phase 2 : you’ll need to get over the “what do I say” and learn to vibe, riff off what girls are saying and have a basic conversation. Again, you need real world experience to do this. You’ll also need to get over shitting yourself and becoming inoperable when you go through this phase.
I’d like to point out here at phase 2 that it is actually not such a big deal to display visible nerves early on in the interaction. I suspect that I even show visible nerves myself for the first 10-30 seconds of a daytime approach myself.
I promise you, it really isn’t a big deal. Girls don’t care if you’re a little bit nervous, and it really will make very little difference to whether you end up getting her into bed. What you;ll find when you start approaching (especially if you have something about you and a reasonable IQ) is 2 things:
1: You’ll spot patternes very quickly. Girls will say the same thing AGAIN AND AGAIN. You’ll build up a mini routine and funny clever ways of saying things to get past the first 30 seconds.
2: YOu’ll get bored of repeating yourself time and again, so you’ll start to invent things to say to amuse yourself. At least, this is what I did. I tried routines once and within 40 minutes I got bored of it and starting self amusing because I found it too boring to keep repeating myself.
Again – the motto is JUST START BY DOING SOMETHING. The information is out there – whilst I have never put out the Steve Jabba model, because I would not believe in it, I’ve said repeatedly and consistently that you need to start doing something but focus on the big chunk principles of :
Crossing the line and creating sexual tension – this is something that even experienced guys do badly or avoid.
Display the universally attrative behaviours (which rest on reference experiences) – WHICH YOU WONT GET UNLESS YOU START BY APPROACHING WOMEN AND DOING SOMETHING
Learn to spot the signs and focus on the girls where you are most likely to get positive results who are at least somewhat predisposed to react positively to you. Again, there’s a mahoosive long section on this in the Secret Society called “Awareness and IOIs”
In doing it this way, you cut down on the work rate and stand more chance of sustainably picking up girls instead of driving yourself insane with constant rejection and an unbearably low ROI (i.e. low approach / lay ratio). Let’s be honest, that’s what it’s all about.
I don’t believe for a second that any man “enjoys the process” of walking up to girls and “making their day” by giving them a compliment. What utter bollocks. No, let’s be honest : you want to fuck her, not make her day. Let’s not pretend that we’re all walking around with rainbows in the sky and unicorns flying around, “offering value” to the world by making girls happy with saccharine risk free little compliments.
No, we want to stick our dicks in these girls.
So guys, look:
I’ve given you enough here to just get started. There’s more than enough free information on the internet to learn :
How to get over approach anxiety. I’ve given you a little buildup here too.
How to start approaching and get over the first 30 seconds. This is the toughest part.
Beyond that, you need some basic rules of thumb.
- You must approach
You must tell her you like her
You must escalate and MAKE IT CLEAR YOU WANT TO FUCK Her
YOu must either take her on a date there and then, or get her number and arrange another meet.
And that’s it. The way I recommend you do things, you don’t need more than 45 seconds – 4 minutes when you approach a girl to get all this across and arrange a solid meet. The reason is, I say don’t focus on perfectly executing a model. Instead, use the model as a means to an end to get you approaching and DOING SOMETHING, and from there let your brain take over and start to spot patterns which you can improvise around and develop your own mini routines.
That’s all you need. The first 45 seconds – 4 minutes IS NOT WHAT GETS YOU LAID. Your flawless execution of stacking and lovely cosy vibe stories don’t get you laid.
Executing a model isn’t game. Game is your sum total as a man, displaying attractive masculine qualities, believing in yourself to your core (based on reference experiences which you gain over time), escalating well (knowing when to pull the trigger, when to withdraw and play with sexual energy) etc etc.
You’re never going to get there unless you start somewhere though. There is NO OTHER WAY of learning this stuff other than doing it. But I can tell you from decades of personal experience that it is never harder than the first approach , and it gets easier over time.
Learn some basics, learn the model but use it as it should be used : as a tool to get you started.
So, if you want to start getting results, check out my products Primal Seduction and Secret Society.
Primal Seduction : Start working towards the right set of beliefs and key mindset insights that my book provides you. If not, you can spend years wasting your time focussing on playing it safe with girls, or worse become bitter at the depressing state of affairs of modern women, then turning to bad advice from the manosphere and try to “act out” being a bad boy, jerk etc (and make yourself unhappy, misogynsitic and look foolish in the process)
In Primal Seduction I lay out attractive masculine beliefs and mindsets that feel GOOD when you learn them , and that women respond powerfully to when you display them. Further, you’ll learn to love women again and nix out the negative toxic thoughts and beliefs that are so prevalent nowadays. However justified you may think these beliefs are about modern Women, they are not going to help you get girls no matter which way you cut it.
What you need instead is knowing exactly how women think and work, accepting and even loving them for it, but showing masculine behaviours that feel good to show and that girls cannot help but respond to. These are evergreen behaviours and mindsets that will still “work” 50 years from now.
Secret Society : Develop a sustainable way of approaching women that you can build into your every day life and still date more women than you can handle. I say sustainable because my method involves getting the best out of every approach and maximising your chance of success (, plus pre screening girls BEFORE you approach so that you stand the least chance of rejection and the most chance of success before you approach.