Natural Game And Creating Moments

Steve Jabba

By Steve Jabba. Find out more about Steve Jabba here

eye contact flirting exercise

“Tom Cruise’s character in Magnolia taught his students to “Respect the cock”, but for me the key necessity of natural game is the accrual of respect for the moment. The technological slant of pick-up has long sought to write a script, or program which would provide a response to everything a girl could possibly say or do.

Students coming into the game from months of internet-based study find the scripts they have improvised are no match for the sheer diversity of situations arising in the real world. Promises of the silver bullet, the pick-up artist who can get any girl – remain elusively distant.

For me, natural game is being able to respond truthfully moment by moment to the situation which is actually in front of me. In particular, I need to respond to where the girl is at, and not where she is pretending to be, nor where I would like her to be.

If I can respond truthfully to where she is at, without any agenda, nor attempt to control the situation, then there is nothing she can do which is “bad” for the pick-up. So many of the techniques of pick-up seek to avoid bad things happening, and in doing so have the consequence of avoiding anything good ever happening.”

This was written by a good friend of mine back in August of 2007, and is equally as relevant now.

At the time, it was picked apart and mauled by so called luminaries (I say ironically) of the London Pick Up Scene, and was not given the credit it was due.

It’s now time to redress the balance.

For a full guide on how to approach a woman you don’t know, check out the linked article.

What Is Natural Game?

If you scout around to try and find a definition of natural game, you’ll see stuff like the following:

++ A guy with a cool lifestyle ,cool clothes and haircut, money and a big social circle who gets girls

++ A guy who picks up girls without using routines

++ A guy who is good looking and therefore doesn’ t NEED routines / “game” to pick up girls.

++ From PUA Lingo: ” Natural game focuses more on vibe, intent, charisma, and the flow of the interaction, breaking the seduction down from inner game to outer game. Natural game focuses less on canned material and routines, and more on developing fundamental skills such as connecting with women on an emotional level, communicating authentically, and building a solid inner game.”

And so on. ( I actually prefer the PUA Lingo definition but I don’t think it is granular or specific enough.)

Some of the above definitions portray what a natural gamer might look like as he moves through the world, but to my mind the beautifully written introduction strikes much closer to Gold (though not quite Gold as we shall see)

the moment

The Components Of Natural Game

To my mind, Natural game is a respect for the present moment, and a calibrated response on a moment by moment basis to move the pickup towards a mutually desired conclusion.

Note the words calibrated , moment by moment, move towards, and mutually desired. There are very deep implications to all of these:

Calibrated: Knowing what is an appropriate response on a moment by moment basis. This is based on experience of actually picking up women, a knowledge of female psychology, adoption of the universally attractive, cornerstone characteristics and so on. It is based on a

Moment by moment: response to what is happening right in front of you. This also includes truthfully accepting and not fighting how YOU feel in this moment by moment basis as well as reacting appropriately (in a calibrated way) in the 3 dimensional world we inhabit to what is coming back at you from the girl. This may in turn affect your OWN state. At any one time – or moment – you may be in any particular state – intimidated, chagrined, scared, tired, depressed, anxious. You must own it though and

Move towards: This is your responsibility as a man. Generally speaking it is you who will be moving the interaction forwards.

Leading. Dominance.

It also implies you are attempt to exert control over yourself – to an optimum state – such as sexual excitement, dominant, in control.

BUT – to reiterate – this has to be in a calibrated way. Pick up is 3 dimensional. What is in front of you?

Sometimes girls feel so horny that they will jump you. Do you feel dominant back in that moment? Take charge.

Sometimes if you take charge too much she will resist. I’ve had pick ups where I had to take the back seat, if I didn’t – i’d be blown out. So chill.

You cannot be slavish about it. Dominance is one of the cornerstone characteristics. But if in that moment it is not appropriate, let her dominate.

Respect what you see in front of you. Respect the moment.

Natural Game In Action

If you are feeling anxious or nervous and then overcompensate by trying to be “alpha” (bleeeeuuuurrrgh), or exert control inappropriately – then you are not respecting the moment. You’ll blow yourself out.

How are you still moving towards the end result? You’re taking calibrated action (or inaction as the case may be) to move it forward – for example- by being passive.

You’re still moving towards the end result, but in a calibrated way because this is the “correct” thing to do. Your intuition – your calibration – and your ability to read the moment – where she is “at” – tells you this is the right thing to do. You’re doing what is

Mutually desired:

Repeat : It’s 3 dimensional. What is coming back at you? Do you sense she wants it? Can you read the signs? Do YOU want it?

You might be saying : Of COURSE I want to take a beautiful girl to bed.


Then embrace how you are feeling when you are confronted with her and respect that on a moment by moment basis. Feeling intimidated or anxious is not GOOD, but it’s workable.

It’s certainly better than trying to act out or wrestle control of the situation / your frame through an ego based idealisation of who you want to be. Better to embrace the honest (dare I say respectful) frame.

How To Learn Natural Game

So what can you do accrue this skill?

You need to train yourself at getting in the moment. Reading what is coming back at you. Acting in a calibrated way to move it to the end result. Having the GUTS to do this. WANTING to do this.

Use your sexual energy. The beauty of the girl – the feeling in your cock and balls – the reaction – the desire – the shifting of the cells within your body – let THAT bring your into the moment. When you’re looking at her, drink her in.

A real live pick up does not need to be smooth. It doesn’t always look pretty. It can be jagged. It can be cloying. It doesn’t have to be “fun”. It doesn’t have to involve being social. I’ve pulled girls by calling them a cunt, and meaning it. You don’t even have to LIKE each other. I’ve fucked girls I disliked. And she disliked me. How did it happen?

Moments of authenticity.

Authenticity is what I believe in. I personally cannot be any other way.

The unfortunate fact of life is that we are taught to do anything BUT respect the moment. We are taught to have an agenda, to play the game. You think the modern workplace teaches you to express the truth of the moment and experience real human connections? Does it hell. It’s an elaborate game.

In many ways learning this stuff is like becoming a child again.

If you strive for anything when you go out to approach women:

  • Strive for respecting the moment
  • Create moments of authenticity and respect them when they occur. YOU ONLY NEED ONE OR TWO. Moments like these are electric. This is what gives you your sexual attraction. Your comfort. All at once.
  • Create sexual tension
  • Keep The honest frame – do this as opposed to trying to act out inappropriately and ruin the chance of something really interesting happening.
  • Use your sexual energy as a basis for accessing the moment. Sharpen your skills at reacting to the moment by exercises like this.

It is simple but fiendishly complex too..But ENTIRELY learnable with the right guide.

I’ll close this post with another quote from my long time friend from his original post:

“One fundamental manifestation of respectful behaviour is impeccable good manners. We should delineate this sharply from politeness, which is often a manifestation of very poor manners.

Dragging a girl into the toilets of a club and shagging her senseless is a manifestation of impeccable good manners when at that particular moment what she wants most, and who she is most is a girl who wants to be dragged into the toilets and shagged senseless.

Any other response to her – at that moment – is polite (conforming to the social rather than momentary norm) and a manifestation of very poor manners.”