By Steve Jabba. Find out more about Steve Jabba here
One of the most important skills in your seducer toolbox is to know how to deal with flaky girls.
There is NOTHING more frustrating than doing everything right, thinking that she is into you..
Then POOF! She flakes on you, and all your time is wasted.
In this guide Iâll show you how to deal with a flaky girl, so you cut down on the amount of time wasting and heartache in your dating life.
âHow To Respond To A Flake : Background
1: The first thing you should do is try to reduce flakes before they happen.
A big part of the reason for flakes is she just isnât attracted enough to you from the first meet.
When you first meet a girl you need to explode into her world, create sexual tension and make her WANT to see you again.
If you watch my pick up videos youâll see examples of these 2 key concepts at work.
đ¤¨Mindset for dealing with flaky girls
2: A big part of the strategy for dealing with flakes is the recognition that you are not going to change her behaviour. This is a really important point!
There is no point in getting wound up, berating her or attempting to get her to change her behaviour, certainly at this stage in the relationship (i.e. you have not been to bed with her).
Save yourself the headache and stress and do not even bother at this point.
The reason for this is twofold:
(i) You do not have enough leverage. Certainly before you sleep with a girl, see her repeatedly and build some kind of relationship, you wonât have built up enough history (leverage) to get her to consider changing some aspect of her behaviour.
Therefore, assume the behaviour that she displays now will be consistent.
(ii) The average person finds it very difficult to change.
This is why pickup is difficult, it requires continued effort, introspection and being brutually honest with yourself and facing hard truths.
đ¤ŻWhen She Flakes : Manage Your Mind!
You need to manage your own mind and avoid disappearing into the rabbit hole of getting depressed, fatalistic and thinking things like âOh God Iâve lost my gameâ, âHmm is my vibe off?â and micro analysing every single last detail of why she is flaking.
That being said if it KEEPS happening, time and again then you need to review what you are doing.
Perhaps youâre coming across as too much of a nice guy and not moving things forward?
Perhaps thereâs a big incongruence between the way you act, and the kind of person you actually are.
A good place to start is to think about how you are approaching, and most critically, are you creating sexual tension?
Check out my 5 hour video product The Secret Society for a full breakdown of exactly how to approach properly â youâll reduce your flake rate and deal with this problem forever.
đWhen Women Flake: Avoid The âChasingâ Dynamic
The aim of this is to not âchaseâ her.
With more experience youâll develop a very sensitive nose for the dynamic of a fledgling relationship.
Youâll be able to tell very quickly if the chasing dynamic is begins to develop.
Finally, youâll come to realise that if you have to start thinking about this âpowerâ dynamic in the relationship right at the beginning, then itâs fundamentally unhealthy and at some point down the line is going to cause resentment, stress and unhappiness.
You have to make your own call whether itâs worth pursuing at this point.
đDealing With Flaky Girls: What To Do
I think of the method of handling flakes as being a like a see saw.
On the one side is your desire to take the girl to bed. Thatâs the potential gain.
On the other is the hassle and stress of getting her out in the first place to enable this to happen.
Bearing this in mind, here is a simple strategy and mindset for dealing with flakes that reduces any emotional investment on your part and eliminates as much as possible the actual hassle and stress too.
Simple Strategy For Handling Flakes
After youâve met her, send her a Whatsapp / text when you feel like it after meeting her (no hard and fast rule), but usually within a few hours.
(If you met her at evening / night, itâs usually best to send the next day).
Nothing big, just saying you were glad to meet her with some callback humour / compliment on how she looked.
âHello was great meeting you earlierâŚYou looked very cute in your boots by the way..Steve xxâ
Simple and direct
Try and open some dialogue and broach the subject of a meet with 1-3 messages, certainly no more than 4 messages.
Thereâs no point messing about, and I believe you always want to strike while the iron is hot (if you donât get her out within a week then it gets much harder).
Within the message where I attempt to get her out, you should suggest a meeting place and time.
If she cannot make it but offers an alternative â great â sheâs not messing around. Proceed and arrange something đ
What To Do If She Doesnât Agree To A Meetup
4: If she doesnât respond affirmatively to meeting me within these 1-4 messages, and she doesnât offer an alternative date / time then alarm bells will begin to ring, so itâs time to reduce your investment.
Try rolling off and send her a ping text, usually in 2-4 days time.
Thereâs more on ping texts in Primal Seduction, but basically youâre still keeping in touch but not now actively trying to push and get her out.
Think sending amusing little texts, pictures or a comment on what you are doing in that moment etc.
If she is not responding well to this, then add her to the ping text bucket and ping her periodically.
Now if she responds well to one session of these ping texts then try and arrange something there and then.
Handling Flaky Girls By Putting On The Back Burner
IMPORTANT POINT : Aim to explicitly ask a girl out no more than 2 times. If she doesnât come out with you within these 2 times and she offers no alternative, then itâs not looking hopeful.
If that is STILL no go, then back to the ping text bucket, with the aim to get her on Facebook at an appropriate moment i.e. if a conversation opens up on the basis of the ping texts. Rinse and repeat, and if she responds at a particular moment to ping texts this is the moment to strike and get her on Facebook!
Now the reason for this is I believe Facebook is superior to texts and keeping a girl on the back burner.
5: If sheâs reached the Facebook point, basically just keep her on the back burner. She might well pop up later but donât make any active effort to pursue her at this point.
Now for all of this, you must do 2 things:
(i) Be intelligent about how you interpret your flake rate.
Without disappearing into a depressing self evaluation that can eventually ruin your self esteem, try something different if you KEEP getting flakes.
Focus on sexual tension and attraction when you first meet her.
(ii) Remember, itâs not all about you. Sometimes girls have stuff going on in their lives.
This strategy has been developed to reduce the stress and involvement on your side, as well as being able to capitalise on keeping girls on the back burner to they may pop up when their situation changes.