The manosphere is consistenly wrong about a wide variety of subjects. In this post I’ll attempt to explain what actual real world seduction looks like and how seduction really works. So I will start off by debunking some common manosphere theories to get us started on the right path.
Manosphere Myth 1 : You have to use typical “game” tactics to get results.
No. I have posted public YouTube videos of myself approaching and chatting up women from cold approach. Viewers send me comments privately and on the YouTube page such as:
“Wow you make it look so easy. But I have a question, do you find that when you escalate this quickly, it hurts your chances with meeting them again (‘buyers remorse’ sort of thing)? Also, I noticed that you only really ‘pulled’ the girl, there was no pushpull, playing etc. Normally all other pick-up guys work around push-pull, why were you able to do without?”
(Incidentally, my reply was “Because the other Manosphere guys are numpties and I am not!” I can be facetious at times.)
Such comments are illustrative of the average man’s mindset, who knows no better. According to these guys you have to use techniques talked about commonly in the Manosphere such as: ·
Push-Pull: A way of blowing hot and cold by giving the girl mixed messages of both “I like you” and “I don’t like you” so that she is confused and off-balance. This is aimed to fascinate her and get her excited.
Inserting DHVs (Demonstration of Higher Value): Telling pre-prepared stories that convey sides to your character and life that are meant to impress her with your sexual value.
Negging: Giving girls a back-handed compliment or mild cheeky insult to trigger indignation and emotional engagement.
Inserting IVD (Interactive Value Demonstrations): Showing a skill in front of her that requires her to take part. The most well-worn rut of IVDs are magic tricks.
Don’t show interest until x y z happens
Wrong. Game is holistic. It is the sum total of “you”, the sum total of the package that is presented to girls to make you an attractive potential mate. It is not a box of tricks that you use to try to use to weasel your way into her knickers. There are many game techniques that help move the interaction along and give the girl pleasant feelings from enjoying the mating dance but these techniques are not the engine driving the seduction.
Imagine a teenage boy decides to become a rock star. He watches MTV to see what rock stars do, and after a few hours of research, he thinks he’s figured it out: trash hotel rooms, snort cocaine, and ride a tour bus for a few months a year. That’s what they all seem to be doing, so that’s what he needs to do. He has made the mistake of looking at the associated trappings of a rock star lifestyle rather than the core dynamics that make the rock star which are: writing catchy music, playing an instrument, practicing in rehearsal rooms which together can result in a record deal, fans, and thus the associated trappings of trashed hotel rooms, world tours and snorting cocaine off the asses of a dozen hot groupies. Learn to see the essence of things. What is the essence of a successful business? Paying customers and a product line they desire.
Without those you don’t have a business. Don’t be distracted by the office complex, the business cards, the client lunches and the organisation chart. Those are just things that emerge to aid a business in pursuing its core essence – developing a product line and selling it to customers. The same holds true with seduction. The techniques and the model are important in delivering your value but they are not in themselves the value. The value is you. The sum total of you comprises your physical appearance (which can be greatly improved), and more importantly, the degree to which you possess universally attractive masculine qualities. These qualities get a full discussion in my book Primal Seduction but to summarise they are:
- Sexual energy
- Authenticity: the ability to unashamedly express the truth of what you are feeling in that moment with no pretension or hesitation
- Solid life experience
- Balanced respect: the ability to not put her on a pedestal whilst at the same time having the utmost respect for her as a woman
- Standards and boundaries.
I could go on. Value is a combination of a myriad of qualities that can all be cultivated (including physical qualities) with disciplined application of effort over time. “Game”, when you really get it, is pretty much effortless. You don’t need to “do” anything special. If you watch the videos on my website, you may notice there are “moments” of connection. This is why authenticity is so powerful. (There is an entire section devoted in book Primal Seduction to the power of moments.) The ability to go up and talk to a woman, be chilled and sexual, be present, and direct-truthfully and unashamedly express your desire for her- has enormous value to a woman. She feels when it is real. She can see it in your eyes, and feel it from your sub-communications.
This is an end state – the culmination of putting into practice all of the guidance I’ll give you over the course of my book Primal Seduction. However, you don’t need to wait five years to see immediate, positive improvements in your dating life. You don’t need to be smooth or confident. Right now, if you go up to a girl and are genuine, without employing “game” techniques such as push-pull, negging and so on – you stand a better chance of success than if you follow the old gamey schtick as advocated by Manosphere writers and Youtubers.
We all have an inbuilt bullshit detector. Evolution has equipped us all with intuition as a defense against people’s attempts to pull the wool over our eyes and take what is ours. Modern society pours bullshit into our brains and suppresses our faith in our own intuition; thus, we’ll often use logic to “explain away” strange behaviours from people while our own alarm bells are ringing that they aren’t being straight with us.
Trust your intuition – it got your ancestors through a million years of tooth’n’claw battle under far harsher conditions than we face now. Have you every chatted to someone and felt that they weren’t being genuine with you? Doesn’t it make you feel a bit weird, “icky”, or even angry? It makes me feel that way, and that is just when someone is talking to me in a fake way. Now multiply that by ten for how a woman feels when you’re approaching her in a deceiving manner and hoping to get her into bed with you! Imagine the disgust!
You aren’t just trying to make friendly conversation; you’re trying to stick your dick inside her. You’re trying to get her to go home with you, strip naked, and have a very intimate experience with you – an act which, according to her biological hard-wiring, could lead to pregnancy, virulent sexually transmitted diseases, and even death in childbirth (her DNA hasn’t gotten the memo about birth control, penicillin, forceps and abortion). It’s no wonder some of these guys get such nasty negative reactions. They haven’t considered what it would be like for the woman they are initiating contact with. As I discuss in my book, empathy with a woman’s experience is a crucial part of the Game.
You can approach a girl when you are nervous, tired, irritable, moody, depressed, whatever. However you feel, roll with that. It can be a car crash of an approach. But get the realisation into your head that you don’t need to “do” anything amazing. As long as you are conveying the attractive qualities of a man in who you are you needn’t ask too much of your technique. Consider the flip-side. Imagine two different women standing at the bus stop next to you.
Girl A – An average-looking girl dressed up in fantastically with co-ordinated fashionable clothes, lots of tasteful make-up, high heels and a tight, short skirt. An expensive hair do. She’s on her way to a nightclub.
Girl B – A stunningly beautiful girl with flowing, soft hair, flat stomach, tight ass, long legs, shining smile but dressed in cheap gym wear and without make-up. She’s on her way home from the gym.
The first girl is “doing” a lot at that moment, by being dolled up. The second girl isn’t doing anything special but who she is is stunning. Which girl triggers stronger sexual desire in you? You know you’re seeing Girl A at the very best she’ll ever be whereas Girl B is stunning even in her sweaty gym clothes when she’s on the way home from an aerobics class. Our male brains are designed to instantaneously calculate the signs of value to us – height, youth, hip to waist ratio, facial symmetry, etc. – and then signal it to our conscious minds as sexual desire. Having lived this way since puberty, we are intimately aware of the process and trust the judgment of our intuition for which girls we fancy and which we don’t. No amount of make-up or expensive clothing can fool us for long. Similarly, women think like this.
Their brains are designed to instantaneously calculate what is valuable to them. And we cannot trick them out of it, not for long. I will tell you what that value is and how to build it so that, to keep the metaphor, when you are “on the way home from the gym” you are still exuding value. It is about who you are, not what you do. Approach the girls you really like, be straightforward, look at her when you’re talking and tell her specifically what you like about her, mean it, be shameless, appreciate her. The latter has real power. You still need to work on developing these universally attractive masculine qualities. But you can go out today, now, and try what I have just said. And it will be effective and real.
Manosphere Myth 2: “Game” overcomes all inherent deficiences.
Can you be a one eyed, zit-encrusted, short, peg-legged, one-armed, syphilis-ridden, paranoid, shit-smelling, hunch-backed, pock-marked skinny pot-bellied Goblin of a man…. and pull Perfect Ten women with sufficient “game”? If you have no value beyond what you “do” in the interaction, there follows an obvious question: Exactly what is it you are going to have to do to get these results? Let’s approach this logically by applying what we know about the world, about human nature, and about why people cooperate with each other.
It begins with Universal Darwinism. Evolution and natural selection aren’t only applicable to the animal kingdom. Any time you have a particular set of conditions, the rules apply. These conditions are:
Many different strategies, each embodied within different individual agents, that are competing for scarce resources, with failed strategies removed from the competition.
Successful strategies reproduce to populate the next round of competition with an increased number of their copies. There is some element of mutation / randomisation / innovation between rounds.
When these conditions apply we can predict the outcomes using the theory of Universal Darwinism which is: the weak die and the fittest survive. Economics is just universal Darwinism applied to the marketplace. Entrepreneurs are the strategy (their business model and acumen) embodied within an individual business. They compete for sales (and thus profit) with failed companies going bankrupt (death), and successful companies drawing elevated stock prices and access to new capital (imitators). The market is soon flooded by rival companies offering me-too products to the same business plan (increased number of copies) with some of the new entrants offering an improved product (innovation).
Mixed Martial Arts is a particularly accelerated example of universal Darwinism. Each martial art, embodied within an individual fighter, entered the Octagon to compete for the championship title and prize money. Losers were literally eliminated from the tournament. At successive events, the next round of fighters copied the style of the winner, thus began a cycle of innovation beginning with Brazilian Ju-Jitsu and passing through Freestyle Wrestling, Muay Thai, and now its expression is a truly hybrid style.
You’ve no doubt already started to piece together how universal Darwinism applies to the sexual marketplace. Each man is the agent; he follows a strategy (his “game”), and they all compete for the hot women. Men who do well draw in followers and create protégés. Now, let’s apply it to our pot-bellied Goblin. Granted, human society is a distinct species from the rest of the animal kingdom.
We have false constructs, socialism, welfare state, ideology and numerous other illiquidities in the market that prevent true free market natural selection from operating. Market distortions exist. But let’s skip past that and get to what is still the primary element of the sexual marketplace: raw sexual desire. Do you honestly think that an invented system of tricks is going to trick a high quality woman into bed, and keep her around?
Each woman embodies her own strategy to succeed with the men she wants, handed down to her under the same conditions of universal Darwinism that shaped the men. This woman has hard-wired within her a strategy to detect and compete for what is genuinely valuable to her while repelling all pretenders. This strategy that has undergone literally thousands of iterations over hundreds of thousands of years. The very fact she is here means she is the current version of a winning strategy that has succeeded against prohibitive odds. And you think she can be bullshitted into bed by a skinny Goblin?
Now maybe I’m being a bit black and white about this. Let’s say you are a guy that does all this gamey stuff, and you are a confident cool guy with some charisma. When does it end? When are you going to drop the pretense and be real with the girl(s) you’re with? When are you going to have a sincere relationship? Also, can you really say that you can attract the highest quality, high self-esteem women like this?
I don’t believe it, and I’ve never seen it. Guys that do this kind of stuff end up with: · Dappy club tarts – 6’s, 7’s 8′s dressed up to look much hotter than they really are; · Girls with lower self-esteem; · Very young, impressionable girls who fall for a bit of patter and possibly some fake social proof. Not high quality girls – and they don’t stick around for long either! It’s quite easy to run some routines and bamboozle a pretty girl with sweet talk long enough to get her to laugh and give you her phone number for a marketing video.
Seducing her is another story entirely. One part of the human courtship ritual I address in my book Primal Seduction is where the man and woman make an authentic connection. Very few high quality girls will skip this stage and jump into bed with a man.
Connection is important to women and the high quality women are in such a strong bargaining position (every man wants them) that they insist upon it. You can maybe bullshit her onto a first date, or a make-out, but before that critical insert-hard-dick-into-wet-vagina moment she will have figured you out. Why not instead try to cultivate the real qualities that she’s looking for? I’ll tell you why I did this:
Benefits of Natural / Authentic Game (as per my book Primal Seduction) · It increases your self-esteem to live life with integrity and truth · It feels good to know you are becoming a better man (in a measurable and specific way) · It lends itself to attracting high quality women (yes, 9s and 10s), with high self- esteem who actually want to be around you for the long haul · It is simple and effortless once you get it, and simple and effortless when you begin because you don’t need to think too much (in fact, if you do, you’re going to be ineffective) ·
It feels good to become more centered, more masculine, more of a man. No one can touch you or attack your identity; you become happier, more contented purely as a result of the work you are doing improving yourself · At a higher level, women become a “side dish”. You don’t need to chase them too much. Attracting them becomes easier and easier.
You avoid all the shit tests (except the ones relating to whether you’re going to stick around, etc.) Need I go on? I can imagine an objection: “I know guys who go out and talk to hot women and pull them, and they’ve studied this PUA stuff and use it.” I can almost 100% guarantee they have at least some of the universally attractive masculine qualities I mentioned above. They are pulling these girls in spite of the gamey stuff they’re using. Go look at those guys again. Are they quite tall, quite good-looking, a bit brawny? Or perhaps they are older men who’ve achieved real things in their life and seen the world? Perhaps they are great conversationalists and storytellers?
I’m willing to bet there’s some real value underneath these men’s material. So where does this leave us? I’ve just given a long treatise on why the standard formula offered by dating experts doesn’t work and that really it comes down to building your own value. So does “Game” even work? If the question is : can a man learn “game” (mostly tactics and techniques based) – as espoused by the some of the large PUA outfits and manosphere writers – and use just that to consistently attract and seduce (note seduce – as in take her to bed) – hot, high self esteem women who would be considered “out of his league” – without raising his value in other areas.
No. But if you ask me a slightly different question of: can a man proactively and determinedly raise his own value and then consistently attract and seduce such women? Hell yes! I’m not telling you that any man can get any woman. Game denialists will bring up the following argument in an attempt to prove that game doesn’t work: “I know a nerdy virgin loser who went on a PUA training course.
A few weeks later he’s still not pulling supermodels. Therefore, game doesn’t work.” Obviously, it’s an incremental process, and depends on a myriad – a wide multitude of qualities, that ultimately determine your potential.
The method I outline in my book Primal Seduction is not designed to catapult an average man to the top of the sexual food chain – it can’t be done. What can be done is to massively increase a man’s access to and success with women considerably hotter than what he’s currently getting. If a reader that has picked up my book is currently having occasional grot-sex with old fatties from Craigslist, and then he develops into a better man and is now having regular sex with reasonably pretty women of his age wouldn’t you agree that he is in a better position?