Assertiveness And Boundaries
The first concept is assertivess and boundaries. This basically boils down to going after what you want and valuing yourself (and others too). Having boundaries is developping a clear set of “no go zones” – behaviours that you will not tolerate from other people. Both of these are indispensable for vibe protection and general sanity in your day to day life.
Before we continue, there’s a full breakdown of all the ins and outs of these concepts in Primal Seduction. Without rewriting the whole book we’re going to take a tour here to grasp the concept, and see how we can apply it in our day to day life to maintain vibe protection.
We’ve all heard of the “nice guy” who let’s other people tread all over him. Being assertive and having boundaries will stop you being placed into the nice guy slot, and also being taken advantage of in your day to day life.
Like most behavioural changes, building these characteristics is a process (if you don’t have them naturally) and takes time. However in the context of meeting women , there are certain behaviours that you can start & stop doing immediately to set you on the right path.
Let’s take an example that we talked about earlier. Remember the tip to not weave all over the street / path when you walk? Remember not to chase girls too much in a daygame session? These behaviours are both subtle but powerful behavioural displays of a guy who is assertive and has strong boundaries.
1: Stop putting up with shit from women and other people.
You can start doing this today. If there are behaviours that your friends exhibit that you don’t like (such as turning up late all the time), tell them (if this is a boundary issue for you). I mention this specific issue because I detest when people turn up late for a meeting, so this is one of my personal boundaries. I will literally walk away from a friendship if someone keeps turning up late : it’s a deal breaker.
You need to find your own, and introduce them into your relationships.
From women, it’s things like :
Not responding to your messages.
Checking out another guy when she is with you (I will be all over this publically, immediately if a girl does this to me. This is a 100% deal breaker because it’s humiliating, disrespectful and could lead to a situation where I will have to fight over her. I will never fight over any woman, period).
Giving rude one word monosyllabic answers to messages. If a girl does this I’d call it out after a couple of messages. The trick is to just be clear about it : “Look, if you are not interested to talk to me, it’s fine. Let’s not mess around playing games. Do you want to meet, or not? Yes or no”.
It’s very simple. You just demand to be treated with respect, firmly, with love, and you look for a clear, yes no answer.
The idea is to make the whole process as pain and hassle free as possible. Think how you would expect a guy to treat you. If he started turning up late, or not responding to messages, you would tell him to fuck off.
Similarly, when a girl exhibits this kind of behaviour it’s best to nip it in the bud by establishing clear boundaries of behaviour and sticking to your guns.
Example Real Life Situation
I once went out on a date with a girl from Wroclaw, Poland. On the date we kissed passionately and right at the extraction point I told her “stop being a retard, let’s go” as I bundled her in a taxi back to my place.
Once we got home we got straight to business. But I noticed she was very boisterous, including light bighting on my lips and tongue (which I hate). I had to tell her to stop.
We continued but she then started clawing at my skin and encouraging me to choke and hit her. Red flag, alarm bells started ringing. It freaked me out because I’ve had experience with these kind of girls before and though the sex can be wild, I always get paranoid that there can be repurcussions after. The last thing I want is to deal with Polish police knocking on my door after she leaves.
So, I withdrew and fetched myself a glass of wine. I said “I think we’re looking for different things”, keeping it deliberately vague but polite and non threatening. Eventually, she got the point and left the apartment , somewhat in a huff. She clearly wanted very rough sex, which I am just not interested in. Fortunately, no police came knocking on my door.
I told this story because it’s an example of how your time with a girl can go drastically wrong in so many ways. There are so many pitfalls and possible traps.
This is why I believe in clear inviolate boundaries, expectations of behaviour and sticking to your guns. It’s an aspect of “game” that I consider the dating industry gets very wrong, telling you to adapt chameleon like to each situation, with the “correct” response.
In my view you say what you think, stick to it and expect to be treated with respect by everyone, men and women. If not it will end up burning you out, destroying your vibe because you have to do things you really have no inclination to do, put your “game” hat on when you interact with a girl.
It’s been my experience that by and large, if it’s meant to be it will be and the path from meet to bed is relatively uncomplicated – at least in the best , healthiest, most fun relationships you have.
If you are constantly having frame battles, having to eke out every millimetre of progress you’ll end up resenting the girl and when you finally do get her into bed you’ll think to yourself “was this really worth all this fanny on”.
I can tell you from experience that it’s not. There may be *some* circumstances where if you didn’t walk away, or if you modified your behaviour slightly, you may have ended up shagging a girl vs not shagging. But the bigger picture is you’re building resistance to the entire process, adding to inertia, and on a moment by moment basis making your life miserable for the payoff of a hate filled shag at the end of it (that probably won’t be repeated). Honestly, why bother?
It’s not a case of hotter girls being more hassle either. There are just certain types of girls who seem to want to make you jump through hoops and make the entire seduction process as painful and joyless as possible. Fuck all that. Ditch the games, expect to be treated with respect, don’t chase (too much) and don’t lower yourself just for pussy.
2: Chasing Girls
All of this fits within the boundaries of vibe protection, but it’s worth exploring each one in turn.
Chasing is where you pursue a girl in order to push the interaction towards sex. It’s a common trope that you should “make the ho say no” and keep pusing until you’ve exhausted it entirely and there’s no chance you’re taking the girl to bed.
The main problem with this is twofold:
The act of chasing sometimes lowers your value in her eyes, but more importantly it makes you feel like shit. As we’ve discovered, it’s far better to seek a clear unequivocal answer and cut off any games right at the knees.
There are some simple rules of thumb that you can adopt immediately which stops you falling into the trap of chasing and thus avoids both issues.
Chasing When Texting (or Whatsapp.)
I follow a simple rule of thumb – I explicitly ask 2 times for a meet and if it doesn’t happen the girl is put on the backburner. This typically means just adding her to a group of mass texting some guff to all girls that have flaked or that I have not met or slept with.