If you want to sustainably continue to approach women, you will need to learn vibe maintenance (otherwise known as emotional control). It’s probably the single most important aspect of the whole business of approaching women.
Vibe maintenance makes the difference between a guy who can approach casually in his day to day life, say with 1-6 approaches (the amount I recommend) , vs a guy who has habitual trouble evening opening girls at all.
It’s the difference between a guy who can handle a string of bad luck such as interactions that go nowhere and shrug it off by realising it’s completely unimportant and means nothing, and the guy who might spiral into a 1-3 month meltdown.
(A lot of guys go through this. Infact, if you read around, you’ll note that some commenters believe that meltdowns are a predictable and normal aspect of approaching women consistently). The idea is that you have a meltdown, have the key realisations, and come back stronger.
I don’t believe it. Forewarned is forearmed, so this product is designed to prevent you from going through periodic breakdowns and regrowth. Despite the complexity and brutality of the seuxal marketplace, there are predictable traps that you can fall into that a more experienced mentor can guide you through, and indeed help you avoid entirely with correct real time and background vibe maintenance.
Aside from all the real tim strategies, mindsets and techniques I’ve given you, there are some key insights and background knowledge you need to keep your mind straight when you start approaching women. Unfortunately, the PUA and dating industry is absolutely TEEMING with liars, charlatans, bullshitters and frame control monkeys who will debiliate your will by telling you false stories and misrepresenting reality..If you let them.
So let me give you some solid, factual background that you can bear in mind to comfort yourself when your ego gets slapped around (which it will).
1: Don’t obsess over your stats.
I know, I know. It’s popular for some Daygame monkeys to keep detailed approach stats. The problem is that there are so many variables that can influence the outcome that it’s virtually pointless to try and measure “progress” in this way.
Instead of a focus on the raw numbers, try asking some basic questions:
(i) Are you able to approach more easily than before? Refresh your memory of the approach anxiety metric / calculator I referenced earlier – this IS measurable. Over time you should find it gets easier.
(ii) Are you weaseling less? Again, this is eminently measurable. It’s not uncommon to weasel 3 out of 4 girls when you start out, or return after a long absence (even for a very experienced guy). You will know the truth of this.
(iii) Are you pushing and attempting to create sexual tension when you are genuinely interested in a girl? In other words, are you conquering your fear of doing so, and losing inhibitions around hot girls that you really like?
(iv) Are you consistently telling her that you are interested in her as a woman, and making your intentions known (hiding your dick less)
(v) Are you getting better at “sensing” her responses to you? Are you learning to read her facial expressions, body language cues, voice tone etc.
Please note that these are all WITHIN YOUR CONTROL. Whether she gives you her number, goes on a date with you, sucks your dick is beyond your control.
This is designed to avoid you spiralling into a period of self doubt, meltdown and negativity if things arne’t going well for you right now (or over last few weeks). Checking your stats obsessively won’t help.
The stats can also be completely misleading because of the small sample size. It makes no difference how much you approach, you are not going to approach 10s of thousands, or probably even 1 thousand girls in a 1 year period. So in reality your sample size is too small to draw realistic conclusions , especially when it comes to how many girls you bonk. If you focus on what IS measureable, you’re going to be in a much better position.
Thinking too much about stats when you don’t have realistic and reliable metrics to guide you is asking for trouble. Instead focus only on what you can control and can measure (this is also a stoic life lesson).
I’m not saying that you should completely ignore your results and not care about getting laid, that would be stupid. But don’t obsess over numbers and statistics which are basically meaningless and based on variables which are often beyond your control.
Once you get past a certain level of experience, you’ll realise that it’s better to focus on how well you are consistently maintaining your vibe in your day to day life, regardless of how successful you currently are with women, or how many girls you are bonking.
The reason is you are trying to build a true abundance mindset. I’ve spent considerable time around guys who obsess over stats, and without fail they all go through meltdowns, because their current mood is inextricably linked to their current success with women. It’s a very weak foundantional position.
Ditch it. It’s all based on an illusion of control that you don’t have, and is entirely externally referenced.
Finally on this point, if you do read around the guys who keep detailed stats, poke around for a while and you’ll notice after about 2-4 years, they ALL start to question what the end game is. They ALL state they eventually get an empty feeling inside after bonking new girls time after time.
This is why we focus on maintaining our vibe and more specifically our base state, knowing that a smooth base state radiates out into our general vibe when we approach women.
This advice is designed to get you to avoid this obvious trap and cut months / possibly years of heartache and pain from your journey.
If you recall my book Primal Seduction, I talk about base state and real time state. A brief refresher:
Base state : Are you generally content in your day to day life
Real time state : how you feel in that moment
Real Time And Base State, from my book Primal Seduction
I have spent years with an up and down base state, mostly due to financial worries but also poor emotional control. I worked hard over the years to manage my base state and smooth it out (with advice from CBT therapists too).
So when you start approaching women consistently without much experience to fall back on, you’re likely going to experience roller coaster ups and downs based on how the girls are reacting to you, how well others are doing etc etc. The exercises and insights I am giving you are designed to avoid this and maintain that happy , smooth base state.
Your overall base state is fractal. In other words, once you’ve got that solid bedrock in place, you can use it to keep you stable and calm when you approach women. But to maintain this smooth, calm base state is an active process of control of your own mind , thoughts and emotions. Think of it like a series of levers that you consistently need to pull and tweak continuously throughout your life based on the outside stimuli you allow in.Suddenly and abruptly approaching women, with all the ups and downs it entails is a big (but worthwhile) risk to your calm base state.
The trick is knowing which levers to pull and when – which is what I’ve given you here.
To fully grasp the concept of focusing only on what you can control, consider Locus Of Control:
Locus Of Control: Definition
According to Wikipedia:
“In personality psychology, locus of control is the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcome of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control”
It is one of the 4 dimensions of core self-evaluations, namely : neuroticism, self-efficacy, and self-esteem.
Do You Have A Strong Locus Of Control?
It’s interesting to examine locus of control because a person who believes and wants to be master of their own destiny has a strong locus of control. It’s another key Sigma trait, and it’s something I’ve touched upon tangentially without being aware of in my video series Secret Society and book Primal Seduction.
If you’re still not sure what locus of control is, ask yourself these questions:
Do you seek to be master of your own destiny, and actively plan to prevent others having power over you? If you do, then you have a strong locus of control.
Conversely, if you believe that your life is shaped by forces beyond your control, then you have a weak locus of control.
Locus Of Control And The Sigma Male Mindset
I’ve talked before about the concept of removing yourself from the hierarchy as a key Sigma trait. A key motivation for a Sigma is to be in control of their own desitiny as much as is humanly possible (and hence have a strong locus of control). I humbly offer up myself as an example of this:
I generate my own income and am dependant on no employer for my livelihood. (More on this in a moment)
I don’t rely on a wingman, social group or social events to meet women. I only need myself, no matter where I am in the world.
I think ahead and anticipate problems, and work aorund them to overcome them. I’m sure many of you are aware of the purge that Youtube is going through right now. In a few weeks I will start taking steps to anticipate the time this channel no longer exists.
Locus Of Control And Stress
According to Wikipedia:
“Some findings suggest that higher levels of external locus of control combined with lower levels self-efficacy are related to higher illness-related psychological distress. People who report a more external locus of control also report more concurrent and future stressful experiences and higher levels of psychological and physical problems. These people are also more vulnerable to external influences and as a result they become more responsive to stress.”
Note:Self efficacy is the degree of belief that a person has that they can perform a particular activity.