I’ve seen some comments on my videos about Sigma Males which made me think that some of you have a misperception about the importance of women in a Sigma Male’s life.
Here’s a sample:
“I don’t get why picking up girls is the be all and end all. Can we talk about self improvement? Let the girls come to me instead. I hate having to go aafter them.”
Incidentally, my reply to this comment was “Good luck with that”.
The second comment:
“Moreover I dislike the constant preoccupation with “acquiring females”. Work on your goddam self! Forget about the women! Ignore them. If you happen to find one, good! Keep them.”
Now despite the opinionated tone, especially the second comment, these comments lead to a useful discussion. What is the place of women in the life of a Sigma Male?
So let’s get to it.
The first point I would make is : what kind of life do you want to have? Do you want to just exist, or do you want a fufilling, happy life with companionship, sex and emotional nourishment?
Do you ever want to be loved and wanted (by someone other than your mother!)
Only a mother could love this face
It is perfectly possible to go through life and completely ignore women, especially for a man. This is becoming increasingly well understood and popular as a valid option for a lot of guys. It’s commonly known as going MGTOW. I’m sure most of you will have heard of this term.
You only have to see the growth in Google searches for MGTOW and you’ll understand that this is a choice that many men are at least somewhat interested in, if not actively embracing as a lifestyle choice.
MGTOW Search Volume
I don’t think there’s any need to explore why this is happening – increasing feminism, divorce rape, obesity rates in the West – all of these are contributary factors to the growth of men going their own way. This subject has been done to death elsehwere so I won’t expand on it here.
There are definitely some great aspects of the MGTOW movement, but I think they’ve got it all wrong with their views on women. In my view the optimum state of affairs can be summarised as :
Live your life where you want, making your no 1 priority the pursuit of medium – long term happiness through fufilling relationships, acquiring wealth , and stimulating, rewarding and engaging work.
I don’t believe any normal hetrosexual man can achieve medium – long term happiness without women in his life. After all, it’s the main reason we were put on this earth.
Women should have their proper place in your life. But you have to be in the game, so to speak, and actively pursuing women to figure it all out. But here’s the thing:
If you start actively pursing women, you’ll begin to get benefit from 2 powerful dual side order effects that you’ll struggle to find anywhere else.
(i) They can motivate and inspire you to become a “better man” (especially if you fall in love).
(ii)They act as a mirror for your other self improvement efforts so you know what to work on next.
Here’s how I think it works:
If you actually are prepared to put your balls on the line and start approaching, you will quickly realise that you are not all that. Now, as I’ve described in my other videos about my method of approaching women, I do advocate filtering girls as much as possible and minimising the chance of rejection. Nevertheless, rejection is a fact of life, and you’re going to experience it when you start pursuing women. You’ll have to undergo a process of creative ego destruction.
But this is a good thing. Whilst a girl won’t hand over a report card and give you a mark out of 10, if you’re determined and want to improve (especially by watching my channel, reading my book and watching my video series, hehe), you’ll begin to work out what you need to improve to get more success with girls.
What you will find is that there is a big crossover between becoming successful with women and achieving success in life generally. By the act of approaching women and dispassionately using the feedback to improve as a man, you’ll start to accrue benefits that you never thought of before.
(i) You’ll develop the habit of self discipline and hard work.
(ii) Your self esteem will improve. This in turn has knock on effects on the rest of your life. It shuts up the negative voices that tell you that you’re worthless. You’ll actually start to LIKE and even LOVE yourself. The importance of this cannot be overstated.
(ii) You’ll develop intellectual curiosity. WHY did this approach fail – WHY didn’t she respond to me in this way. What is attractive to women? How do I become a more powerfully attractive masculine man?
(iii) You’ll learn the very masculine quality of pressing on and continuing to work even when you feel discouraged or beaten down.
(iv) You’ll learn to control your emotional state. This one is HUGE for all areas of life. Once you can do this you’ll be able to quiten the negative voices in your brain (which we all have) and continue to press on regardless.
(v) You’ll probably also get a lot fitter, stronger and probably better looking too!
I think people respond to incentives. A man needs motivation to continue slamming on when times get tough. In my case, it all started with getting beautiful girls. Most of my peers settled for average girls and stayed in their hometown (a lot of them are still there now, at around the same age as me – early 40s).
But it wasn’t enough for me. I want to see beautiful girls in my day to day life and have the opportunity of getting them. I want to work when I want, live where I want, surrounding myself with the people that I want. All of this became possible through the simple act of putting my balls on the line and starting to approach women in my day to day life.
If your life is sort of OK – you get by financially, you’re ok with watching porn and jerking off – fair enough….But once you actually realise life CAN be so much better and you start approaching the girls you actually want, you’ll begin your journey of self improvement and never look back.
Now to explore further on whether a Sigma Male actually NEEDS women.
You should note here that I am not suggesting that women should be the the no1 priority for any man. Put another way, women should not be a mans MISSION – his purpose in life. I believe every man has such a purpose, and it is his responsibility to find it and make effort every day to fufill his mission if he wants to achieve medium – long term happiness. Note medium to long term happiness. Not the sugar rush of sticking your dick in a hot girl.
I’m talking about sustainable contentedness.
In my view, once a man finds his mission and diligently works towards it every day, he’ll naturally feel more content and at peace with the world.
Now Chasing women simply to get as much sex as possible is a somewhat hedonistic activity. If you have watched my other videos, and especially bought my book Primal Seduction and video product Secret Society, you’ll note that a lietmotif is a constant undercurrent of love and affection for women. I’ll let you into a little secret here:
When I first started shagging tons of women in short succession – sometimes 4-6 per week – I have an extreme emotional reaction to it. I went quiet for a month or two and didn’t want to look at another girl. I even posted about it on a forum that I used to frequent at the time.
I didn’t know then what I know now, but I believe this was my body’s and brains way of telling me that I was sailing into choppy waters, that my emotions are not naturally aligned to this degree of hedonism. You see, I do actually cherish and love little things about girls, and when I sleep with one there’s usually some emotional connection. I am not saying I fell in love with each girl – I’ve only ever loved one girl in my life out of hundreds of them – and I never totally give myself to any girl – but there was SOMETHING there. I’ve even slept with girls where she didn’t particularly like my personality and I didn’t like hers…But there was extreme lust instead.
Because I know how to connect with my emotions quickly and easily and connect quickly with a girls emotions (it’s called emotional sensitivity – and I’ve explained it in great depth in Primal Seduction), I can FEEL what she wants, what she is thinking and what to do next..Moreover, I can almost see into her soul and see her pain. Even the most confident girl is often frightened and scared.
Ironically, the very emotional qualities and brain chemistry that allowed me to get extreme success with women also meant that I experienced a degree of confusion and pain as a result. I had to kill off any idealisitic ideas I had about women to square it in my mind, but fortunately the love and wonder for women has never left me (thank god).
Now the point of this long monologue is that at some point it begins to dawn on a man that the pursuit of pleasure is not enough. Pursuing just sex – even if it is tinged with emotional acuity and there are moments of great profundity becomes stale, boring and meaningless after a while. Put another way, if I was to start shagging 4-6 women a week again (which I could do, I am pretty sure), I would feel like a caricature of myself, a pastiche.
Having been through a long journey, I can tell you that life is much better and meaningful by meeting girls that you care about. You might need to go through a phase of shagging lots of girls to get it out of your system.
So don’t turn your back on girls. I can promise you that there are still worthwhile girls that will make your heart sing and motivate you to become a better man. Let girls take their proper place – a wonderfully enriching part of your life – but not the no 1 priority. Use girls to provide inspiration and motivation to continue with your self improvement efforts. It’s a lifelong task, but I think this is how you’ll find medium – long term happiness.