Building a sense of entitlement is huge. It’s the quality that most guys lack, even if they have high self- esteem or seem to have their life together. If you just want to get laid, having a sense of entitlement, reasonable self-esteem, the ability to be in the present moment and sufficient desire alone can get you there. You may well know other guys that really don’t have any “logical” reason to have a sense of entitlement.
A man with a sense of entitlement!
They may be sloppy and not even in particularly good shape, or especially good-looking. Yet, somehow..somehow.. they appear to regularly hook up with attractive women. How does this happen?
Where do they get this sense of entitlement from? If this is the case, why have I listed all these other character traits and gone to such lengths about it? It’s about balance. My book Primal Seduction is not simply about getting you laid. The emphasis is not about the end result, or the ‘how’ (what do I do?). It’s about providing you with a platform on which to build the most solid foundation – the character traits – to make yourself an authentic, naturally attractive man so that you never have to worry about this again and the women come almost as a byproduct. More than that, it’s about doing this in a healthy, empowering way which will help you to improve in other areas of your life as well; if you feel you need to.
Sense Of Entitlement : Two Key Concepts
When I think of entitlement, I think of two key concepts:
The ability to give yourself permission to feel entitled.
The actual feeling of entitlement – what it means, how it looks when someone has it.
Unfortunately, where most guys fail is by raising the bar too high on what they “need” to feel entitled. At a deep core identity level they don’t feel worthy enough for the kind of girls they like, and usually come up with “logical” reasons for this. They beat themselves up with it. Alternatively, they may be going through a bad period, lose their “mojo” and then invent reasons why a sense of entitlement should no longer apply – “well, I have no money anymore, I have lost my job, or other excuses along these same lines”.
You have to disabuse yourself of these destructive and untrue notions. They are just not true or accurate. In fact, the one thing you can do – even if you don’t have much money – is meet the kind of women you really like. I’m not recommending becoming a loser – this would profoundly mess up your identity. You need to take care of the fundamentals in your life and money is very much part of that but don’t let a temporary, unfortunate situation prevent you from meeting women. You still have yourself, your character, your identity – that is what women respond to.
It is all you ever really have. Women are looking for character traits – one of these is the degree to which you live life on your terms. Not everyone is cut out to be, or even wants to be, a CEO or a businessman. Women don’t need your money or resources nowadays. What is attractive to them is your character, lifestyle and outlook. If you’re living life on your terms – even without having money – that is attractive to them.
Building A Sense Of Entitlement
So how do you go about getting this sense of entitlement? One of the key ways in which my sense of entitlement shot up was by doing three simple things – consistently: · Leveraging reference experiences effectively and aiming higher each time. · Getting perspective. · Becoming increasingly internally referenced. Use the technique I talked through in “A note on reference experiences and beliefs” in my book Primal Seduction
You could apply this to learning any skill. In particular with pick up, start as you mean to go on. Only approach those women you find hot enough and when you do attract a really hot girl, make that your benchmark, your new standard. Don’t make excuses and talk yourself out of it. I’ve seen students who I’ve trained do this, and it ties them in knots and keeps them from achieving their potential.
Case Study : Mr Y
What follows is a write by one of my former students. He’s an early thirties guy – tall, in great shape, good-looking, great job, highly intelligent, great prospects. A great “catch” to use the normal parlance. Yet he wasn’t getting the results he wanted – purely because he didn’t leverage reference experiences and he was far too strict in the standards he applied to himself. You must be ambitious, you must aim higher and higher but for each success never talk yourself out of it and convince yourself it’s because you were drunk, in another country, etc.
Instead use even the tiniest, flimsiest shred of evidence as proof that you are worthy.
“I met up with the inimitable Steve Jabba today (he likes it when I call him that) for my pre-arranged coaching session. The first thing you notice about this guy is that he comes across as being extremely confident. Rock-solid frame, socially dominant and intelligent. Doesn’t tolerate bullshit and not afraid to make his opinion known. Over the course of the day, we had some very interesting conversations, ranging on topics of improving your value to money-making schemes, to the general efficacy of conventional game wisdom as advocated by the majority of the manosphere.
The type of “game” espoused by Steve is simple. No acting aloof, no “bad boy alpha” tactics, no “dark triad”, no dread game – just simple, straightforward, authentic behaviour. You see a girl you think is hot? Walk up to her, calmly and confidently, and tell her exactly what it is you like about her, banter for a few minutes whilst sexualising the interaction at every opportunity, and take the number (or push for an iDate if it’s logistically possible). Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t really think she’s hot? Don’t bother approaching, even for “practice”, unless you’re simply going to use her for a bit of banter to raise your mood before hitting on girls you genuinely fancy. Your lack of sexual state will come through and kill the interaction, and you’ll take nothing away from it.
Now of course, you already need to have a certain level of value yourself to pull this off, but the majority of whether the interaction succeeds or not is based entirely on your own mindset. If you believe you deserve the girl, then you can get her. I can’t express enough how refreshing of an approach this is as someone who has come from a background steeped in over-complicated pickup tips and tricks. Steve wasn’t doing anything magical, but his unshakeable self-confidence cannot be faked and has been earned through years of putting in the work in the trenches of day game. It didn’t necessarily hook every time, but it did more often than not, and girls literally lit up in the face of the very direct, forward, confident man. Game has its place – it’s a good starting point for guys with literally no social skills to internalise the mindsets of confident men.
But once you have a certain level of confidence, it’s simply not necessary over and above maintaining a strong masculine frame at all times, and pretending you don’t like a girl when you actually do will end up hindering you more than helping you. Own your own intentions unashamedly, and act on them as a positive, dominant, masculine individual would. He’s got similarly high standards to myself, and during the course of several hours of trawling Oxford Street we only saw one genuinely stunning girl (they’re thin on the ground in the UK), who was a shop assistant in Selfridges.
After building it up all day, I’m moderately ashamed to admit that I completely crumbled when the time came to step up – this girl was significantly hotter than any I’d ever pulled before (no reference point), and I’d piled so much pressure on myself that I couldn’t even hold a thought in my head .
I knew that I would just crash and burn spectacularly if I tried to make an approach. In the process though, my self-hyper criticality reared its head, and Steve was able to offer a shrewd insight that it is my own nature holding me back from success with the true, top-tier women (I’d previously done the CBT questionnaire on his site which had identified my chief personality traits as “entitlement” and “hyper criticality”).
I’m not afraid of rejection in itself – I’m a big boy, and I’ve been rejected before – but I am afraid of coming away not feeling like I was able to deliver my best performance with a girl I actually give a shit about, and how much of a hard time I would then subsequently give myself over it if I didn’t. Obviously, to only approach in peak state is ridiculous, as you’d then almost never hit on anyone, so this is something I need to come terms with.
Perhaps cognitive behavioural therapy could help me figure out why I give myself such grief for anything less than the best, and to come up with coping strategies to get over it. I’ve lost count of how many people have told me recently “you’re too hard on yourself” – it’s actually now starting to dawn on me they’ve got a point. For me, someone who has come so far and is generally such a confident outgoing individual, to be paralysed with anxiety to the point of not being able to talk to a girl because of fear of not giving my best performance (and Steve’s subsequent identification of such) was a bit of an eye opener to say the least. It was like regressing five years in the space of five minutes.
No one has ever really put me on the spot before and challenged me to actually hit on a girl sober, in the cold light of day, who I thought was a genuine 9.5, and I’ve obviously been avoiding doing it myself. If I took nothing else away from today other than the identification of this real, deep-seated psychological sticking point, then I would still consider the day a success. I took more away than that though – Steve is the first guy I think I’ve ever met who seems like the real deal when it comes to pickup.
I didn’t need to see him picking up 9s and 9.5s to know that he was capable of it simply by his character and demeanor, and being out with him today has provided a reference point to know that the type of girl I want is attainable, and very much within my grasp with one last push.”
Couldn’t have put it better myself. In fact, I haven’t! Ha Ha.
It’s an old chestnut, but it’s not until you travel that you have the knowledge and experience to understand that there is another world, another life out there which may be very different to your own. It gives you greater perspective – on culture, lifestyle, what is important to you (for me it is relationships and being the best man I can be).
It shows you how life can be different and that you can live cheaply and simply, if that is what you want. It helps you to find out what you like and dislike, helps you to build a stronger identity and find out who you are. It develops independence of mind and spirit. Try reading In trouble again: A journey between Orinoco and the Amazon, by Redmond O Hanlon for a light-hearted and funny exploration of this theme.
An additional benefit of travel is you can get a damn good look at the kind of women that are on offer in other countries and how they react to you. Hint : If you come from the UK or USA there are far better looking and generally nicer women out there in the world! I recommend initially staying in Youth Hostels.
It is a hell lot of fun, and you will meet other travelers. Travelers have an interesting mindset and set of beliefs that you want to expose yourself to. They are also world class experts and chilling the hell out and not being worried or distracted by a lot of the bullshit that permeates modern life in technologically advanced societies. You will learn a lot, and it will change you in a positive way – if you do not resist.
The main crux of your reason to leave the country you live in might be for hotter women – where these women are will depend entirely on your type. I recommend using Google to find the places in the world with the women who have the features you prefer (i.e. tan skin, silky hair, long legs, blue eyes, and so forth).
Go to these countries – with friends or alone if need be. Just do it. When you leave a place like London which is insanely competitive for women and actually see how easy guys in other countries have it (i.e. the amount of value they need to bring to the table to get the hot women is much lower, because there are so many more hot women out there), then you will begin to develop a sense of entitlement.
How could you not? You’ll see women of incredible, rare beauty – the kind of beauty that exceeds Hollywood movie stars – and you’ll see them with nothing guys – overweight, not great looking, not driven, smart. When I see this, it doesn’t make me angry or upset, far from it. It serves as fuel to develop and grow. If you follow the steps in this book and grow in self-esteem, feeling good about yourself, as well as develop the habit of brutal honesty and becoming internally referenced, you’ll start to ask yourself questions like: ·
Is this guy fundamentally different or better than me? Answer: Hell no! · Is it possible that I could replicate what he has done and get a girl like that? Answer: goddam yes! · What is stopping me? Answer: Nothing. Even if it takes twenty approaches, even a hundred, nothing should stop you. You only need to get one dream girl to know that you can do it. Then, you leverage that reference experience, and you’re away. You can do it again.
When you return to your hometown, remember and hold onto this. Don’t talk yourself out of it as we’ve already explained. Use that experience as undeniable proof – you know it can happen because in this case it did happen, and you had direct unfiltered experience of it happening – and you’ll naturally display (or sub-communicate) the inner confidence and sense of worth that these kind of women are looking for. It doesn’t mean you’ll get every single girl you approach, or that it will be easy, but when you display this sense of core worthiness, it transforms your approach, your actions, everything you say and do. This all will allow you to be an order of magnitude more effective around these top-tier girls. You’ll stand a far, far higher chance of success if you start to do this.