This podcast comes from a readers question who is worried about coming across as needy by sending texts to a very attractive girl he just met.
He questions whether it’s tactically better to wait for 3-4 days to send a text, per the advice of some dating coaches, or to send when he feels like it.
My answer is : send the text whenever you feel like it, and stop worrying about coming across needy. Instead, focus on not ACTUALLY being needy, and stop worrying how you come across. The act of worrying how you come across is in itself needy , or more accurately insecure…And therefore telegraphs neediness anyway when you meet the girl in real life.
I’m going to tackle this and espouse a mindset that I talked about years ago in a video entitled : The pickup paradigm is all wrong. Infact, I’m going to replay the video after this introduction.
I made a video recently where I described basic rules of thumb about how long you should wait for a girl before you’d expect to go to bed with her. Rules like these are a general framework to help preserve your dignity, self esteem and self worth. In other words they are standards you set for yourself so that you don’t ever slip into being manipulated, playing games or falling into a girls frame (which is of course anathema to attraction, and more importantly your own self worth).
A strong leitmotif of my philopsophy is authenticity and dealing with reality. For this reason I cordially detest any kind of game playing (especially with girls), and also things like banter with men. It all stems from an impatience with playing social games, jockeying for position and even acknowledging the existence of a social hierarchy. I’d rather just be as real and authentic as I possibly can and in doing so attract and draw others into my life who share this mindset. (I believe authenticity breeds more authenticity. If as a man you lead and “open up”, dropping masks, fake behaviour and boring low IQ social games, you encourage others to follow by example).
In following this code, you naturally grow in self esteem and masculine power as you age (assuming you don’t veer too far off the path and can maintain a reasonable life situation).
Think about the how and why of this. If you withdraw from the hierarchy to all intents and purposes, you’re not constrained, prodded and needled by all the impositions and negative effects that are increasingly necessitated by participation.
You don’t need to engage in low IQ socal games with other men, because you provide your own income, you don’t need to jockey for position at work, and you can meet girls without wingmen. Again, you remove the need for a hierarchy and can spend your time with who you choose – both men and women (a Sigma trait).
I just read an article about some of the horrific impositions that employers are starting to try to implement (which I believe are going to get worse with increased surveilance). The article is called at the frontiers of surveilance capitalism on Zerohedge. From the introduction, it told the story of a planned workplace program targetted at a school in West Virginia called Go365:
“The program coerced employees into downloading an app that would monitor their health, rewarding points for exercise and good behavior. Employees who failed to accrue 3,000 points by the end of the year would be penalized with a $25 monthly fee and increased deductibles. Although the program was made voluntary before the strike began (and has since been eliminated), the outrage over Go365 helped ignite the strike. As one teacher told The New York Times, “People felt that was very invasive, to have to download that app and to be forced into turning over sensitive information.”
I cannot imagine anything worse. When I talk in these podcasts about the Sigma Mindset I espouse , and specifically withdrawing from the hierarchy, this is exactly the kind of thing I want to avoid like the plague. I’m not saying I was prescient all those years ago when I started to work for myself, but I am certainly glad I did nowadays. I also believe things are going to turn South at an ever increasing rate. Just look at the general trend.
I hope you can see the mindset I espoused 4 or 5 years ago in my book Primal Seduction, and the application of the mindset in my video series Secret Society isn’t just a pickup personae. It’s a holistic way of being and it’s benefits reach their tendrils out into every area of your life and your mental health.
I believe if you follow this path you’ll naturally become less needy because you don’t feel the need to fill a hole in your self esteem with girls. The other half of the equation is getting actual reference experiences with very attractive women, so you don’t feel the need to prove that you can do it to yourself or others. Again, in my view it’s overall better to follow the path and mindset I espouse and combine it with good techinque and “game” if you will to maximise your results (and therefore gain reference experiences) and eliminate neediness as fast as possible.
Therefore, to answer the question as originally posed, I hope you’ll see that it’s not as simple as just following a monkey see monkey do set of rules. First off, the majority a girls attraction to you on an initial meet is based on her initial impression. She’ll already have a pretty good idea of how needy you are and the kind of person you are from when you first met her, so no amount of delaying or tactially waiting to send a message (or not) is going to make any difference.
Secondly , stop to think how unpleasant the act of this kind of game playing really is. Do you actually enjoy it, do you enjoy the agonising and wondering how you are coming across? If you miraculously manage to tread the tightrope and get the girl on a date, the neediness implied by your overlong thinking about how long to wait and “tactically” the right thing to do is going to be obvious when she meets you again through your subcommunications.
Hopefully this gives a short introduction to how I feel on subjects like this. Watch this video taken in 2014 in early evening London which shows an example and more on the concept of authenticity, standards and boundaries and non neediness.
Finally, I’d mention that all of this is explored in great depth in Secret Society and Primal Seduction. I’ve added the links to the description below this video.
Let’s roll the video from 2014.